I started getting sick on Christmas with like some weird histamine reaction. Completely allergy related I thought, but was strange beacuse I typically don't have allergies this time of year.  I ended up being really tired and taking a 2 hour nap and then another three hour nap.  During the three hour nap, I noticed that my ears were starting to hurt.  By the next monring, I called into work because my head was killing me and I figured it was a double ear infection with a wicked cold.

needless to say, but the time I got to the doctor's office that afternoon, I thought i was dying.  Muscle aches, couldn't stand light or noise.  I really thought it might be meningitis because sudafed wasn't touching the headache at all.  They an influenza test even though I had the vaccine in October just in case.  And what do you know, I have influenza A.  The doc told me that I wouldn't be able to go back to work for 5 days which I thought was silly.  Until a few hours later, when the fevers and vomiting hit.

So, after not eating for 3 days, a bout of numb legs, 101 + tempaturues, isolation from the boys, and going from making 20 plus ounces of milk per day to less than 1... I tried to pump, but I was so dehyrated, the skin on my nipple ripped and started bleeding, I am still alive.

Lost 8 pounds, and can't imagine getting my milk back up.  Wyatt bites me every time I try to nurse and my left nipple is in taters.   I'm also on my period, which my milk went down last month too.  I have about 5 more days of milk in the freezor, and that's with milk my friend Catherine gave me.

I'll keep on pumping every few hours, but the last time I got maybe 5 mls.  It was so depressing.  Five ounces a pump to 5ml?  I got Wyatt to nurse a little bit, but then my nipple started bleeding again and I think he was getting more blood then milk.

I'm so sad about this.  8 months.   8 months.  and then this stupid flu. 

Meet Prim

Here's Prim, our new car! Prius V, 50 miles to the gallon, whoohoo!

Wyatt has never slept more than 6 hours (past 3:30am) and it is 7:30 and he is still in there sleeping. I woke up at 4:30 because I needed him to nurse, but I couldn't in wake him up because he has had such a rough few nights with fevers. Of course, I had to double check the baby monitor and go upstairs to make sure he was still breathing. I ended up pumping. and then I pumped again at like 6:30. I had a REALLY rough patch there when I was working 2nd shifts. I had a very very heave period that lasted like 8 nights and between not being at home with Wyatt and him not feeling well, and eating more baby food, I thought I was going to end up weaning him. It was horrible. Every pump session I almost cried... I was getting like 1.5 ounce per boob instead of like 3.5 ounces. One night when I got home, I tried to nurse Wyatt and he just kept suckling and suckling, but I knew he wasn't going to get any. We ended up giving him the milk I pumped for the next day in the middle of the night, and he was very angry when that was gone, so he got two ounces of formula. He hasn't had any formula since I went to the ER when he was a week old, and some when he first started daycare when I dropped an 8 ounce bottle of breast milk in the parking lot and it exploded. He promptly threw up everything. So either, he had an upset stomach to begin with or the formula pushed him over the edge. Anyway, I was just devastated. Luckily, I still have about 40 ounces of frozen milk, and my friend Catherine had some frozen milk that she donated to my cause. And this week, my milk supply is back with a vengence. I am so thankful for that. I really do not want to supplement Wyatt. I have been crying almost everyday because of the shooting in CN. I feel very hopeless that there will be any change in the guns avalable to the public, and also very hopeless that people with anger issues and mental health issues will have any resources except jail.

Man, 2ns shift is hard. For me who has to work it and for jeremy who has to stay home with the boys on his own. Liam FINALLY got crib rails.

Wyatt adores Liam. Like, stop what he is doing whenever he catches sight of Liam and stares at him. And when Liam interacts with him, they just light up at each other. Very sweet. Liam is talking more and more. Nothing that we can really understand, but he's working on it. He can say Aunt Mona and is working on putting phrases together. I've been thinking some about if to hold him back or not because his birthday is so early. I think that we might. We still have a few years to decide. Potty training has been alot of fun. It is pretty exciting to see how prous he is when he goes in the potty. We are averaging about 4 poops in the potty a week. Which is awesome if you ask me:)

Liam calls me Mama Ginia. Pretty cute. I have my job cut out for me taking care of the boys nails and keeping their ears clean. I don't know how Michelle Duggar does it. Jeremy is sorta obessesed with Siri and sending text messages with it. Notre Dame won and Jeremy is very happy. I am happy that I got like 7 loads of laundry done and put up. Wyatt's little hiney is so sore, but the ear infections are all cleared up. He is such a good little man about picking up things to taste. Worked on a pear slice and some white rice this evening for dinner.

144.3!

For all the men out there whose wives will one day have babies: NEVER EVER give the baby a bottle to be nice so your wife can sleep in. It may seem nice to you, but it's really not. First, the bottle was pumped with the sole intention of being given to the baby when she isn't around. Hence, she is 5 ounces short when the baby is at daycare tomorrow. Also, any day that she has off with the baby is a day to regulate her milk production. The pump at work has no idea how much the baby needs from day to day, the baby does. So, she needs the baby to "prime" her to get her back to where she needs to be in milk production. And finally, the milk she makes has to come out some how, so you giving the baby a bottle so she can sleep in means shes going to have to pump when she wakes up. which sucks. so, if she hasn't asked you to give the baby a bottle in 6 months so she can sleep in, just put the baby in bed with her and she'll work it out. Promise.

Jeremy took Zippy to animal control this morning. He has been locked in either the laundry room or the basement since I guess Tuesday morning? It was very sad. It is such a shame. I know that since the boys have come, I haven't given the animals as much attention, but they are still a part of our family. and we have put up with alot trying to make it work. But it just got to the breaking point. I hope that he gets adopted soon. I know that we will get another cat in the future, but it will likely be when the boys are old enough to ask for one. It will be hard not to have a cat. we have had one for like forever. While Jeremy was taking Zippy, I cleaned out the litter box and the laundry room and worked on the house.

147.9

Liam got his cast off yesterday. He limp was still very bad, but they said that could be due to him having a cast on for two weeks. We go back on Tuesday to see the progression and if it isn't better,he is going to have to get an MRI. Jeremy is taking Zippy to the Humane Society today. Sadness. But, I found out that he had peed on the diaper bag again (2nd time for that too). We just can't handle it. Even if he is doing it on accident because he is getting old, we still can't have it.

148.5

If you told me 10 years ago, I would be giving up my animals because of babies, I would have said no way. How times have changed.....

Columbus Day 2012, the day Liam puked on himself at 2:30 in the morning and was unable to take a bath because of his cast. Poor little man can't catch a break

149.7. Amazing birthday party for Liam today. it went really well:)

150.9

151.4. Slowly but surely. I had a really rough week last week weight wise, so I'm very glad I got back on track. Thank goodness for little fat suckers. I still have 10 pounds to lose before I'm back to the weight I can fit in all my clothes, and I was hoping that I would do that before Wyatt's 6 month birthday, but I don't think I can do 10 pounds in 5 weeks. oh well. Reaching the 140's will be a huge victory. Jeremy went out of town and it was just me and the boys. I had friends come over for 45 minutes in the evening while I gave Liam a bath, read him books, put him to bed and then took a shower myself so that baby Wyatt could be occupied. It worked out well. It would have likely have worked out with out them beign there too, but having two screaming babies would have been rough. We are going to order some crib rails for Liam. he's going to be sleeping in a big boy bed soon! so exciting. They are so sweet together. Like, if I put Wyatt on the play mat, Liam will go over and play with him for 30 minutes and they will both be smiling and laughing at each other. It is the sweetest thing. Yesterday, when i dropped the boys off at daycare, I hung up Liam's jacket and was getting ready to leave, when Liam runs towards me. Some mornings are worse than others with leaving, so I thought he was going to start crying because I was leaving. But, he was in fact running to give Wyatt a kiss goodbye. Now, THAT is ridiculously cute! What the heck is up with blogger not putting spaces in for paragraphs anymore? does anyone know how to fix that? i messed with the hmtl a little bit when I was moving the blog around, but I think this started happening when before I moved everything.

152.5!

Well, I thought I would hold off from getting my period back for a while since I'm not supplementing at all with Wyatt. But no such luck. I always thought PMS was a joke, but man, that's what Sunday had to have been. I haven't been in such a bad mood for no reason in such a long time. Liam really scared me, but I feel better. He was able to stand on his stool tonight, balanced on one foot, and brush his teeth. Still can't walk or stand without holding onto something, but he can crawl pretty well. It's funny watching him crawl around the entire house. It's like he's 9 months old again. He;s going back to daycare tomorrow. I stopped and talked to the director today and hopefully he will be okay. he is okay sitting on the ground and in chairs and knelling. The teachers will carry him if needed. I just don't have enough leave saved up since I just got off of maternity leave. I already have burned through my sick leave and will have to use annual leave for today. Which is fine, but what if Wyatt gets sick something horrible like Liam did when he was 6 months old. Jeremy's boss is out all week because his mother passed away, so Jeremy taking off is out of the question. I hope he does okay. I guess I will call like every hour or two and if he isn't doing well, I will got and get him.

Man, today I wished I didn't have kids. For an hour. That would have been nice. Wyatt is teething and Liam is testing. And that's even after I got to take two naps today. It's these damn canker sores in my mouth. They are so painful, it is ridiculous. I can't talk, I get irrationally angry when the boys hit/bump me in the face. And I have another one forming on top of my mouth. And my dentist can just go to hell. I talked to her on Wednedsay and she said she was going to call me something in. Kept calling the pharmacy and the office, and nothing. When I called back on Friday to see what was going on, it was closed for the holidays already. see.... irrationally angry. It about killed me on Friday to be at work and see triamcinoline dental paste and viscous lidocaine on the shelf. So close but so far. At least I was 155.0 this morning.

Oh, please let it be a good weekend. Please please please please. I left work early today because my head hurt so bad I couldn't even keep my eyes open. i ended up taking a really long nap, and got up at 3:30 pm. Then I was nausated and stomach cramping, so I was worried about it being the flu, but then it went away. I had to take sudafed to get the headache to go away, so hopefully my milk won't go down too much. Liam has still been having some lose stools from the poop eating incident last weekend, so Jeremy took him to the doctor. They didn't think it was a parasite, but we have too collect stool samples just in case this weekend and they gave us some probiotics to give him too. I've been giving him a yougurt every day, so hopefully that helped too.

Smells like...

Seriously, have babies evolved to smell like crack so that you will never put them down? Because the side of Wyatt's head smells so amazing. I could just sniff it for hours.

Wyatt has dumbo arms when he nurses, just like Liam did, and it is so cute.

Poor Liam

Poor Liam. He was sitting on the couch with me and Jeremy yesterday morning, eating some plain pasta noodles, and the next thing we know, he is scratching at his mouth and whimpering. Apparently, he found one of those little poops that Perhaps lets out in her sleep in the couch and took a bite. It was funny, sad, disgusting, horrible all at once. I really don't like Perhaps anymore. I haven't for a long time. Anyways, I don't think he ate any of it, just took a bit and then did what any sane person who puts poop in their mouth does. We cleaned it out and brushed his teeth right away and just hoped his immune system would do it's job. Not so much. We are on over 8 poopy diarrhea diapers. Between Liam and the fact that Wyatt hasn't pooped in almost 48 hours, we are not so much a happy family. And we were planning on going to the state fair today. And that didn't happen. Which I'm glad that we didn't decide to go. Liam is still acting fine, just having flashed of punniness, but man, his hiney is raw already. I started him on pedialyte really early this morning, so hopefully he won't get dehydrated.

156.6. I think the nursing is finally catching up. I don't know why I didn't lose weight for 6 weeks, but I'll take it now. I'm trying to clean the house, but between Liam and Wyatt, that isn't happening....

157.8! I am very happy with this. I was 160 for a few days earlier this week, but I guess I was just holding on to fluid for some reason because I peed like crazy yesterday. And after a run in with some allergy medicine, my milk is finally back up (not that it was down really, but I was making 3-5 ounces extra every day and it was stressing me out for that to have cut back so suddenly). I was have horrible flashbacks to cracking open that can of formula. I might not be freezing as much milk as I'm taking out, but I'm okay with that. Tomorrow I have to work from 8 to 8:30, but Jeremy is bring the boys by so that I can love on them and nurse Wyatt around dinner time. I am thankful for the people at work. Overall, they are a really good bunch.

158.5! that's exciting. I need to graph my weight loss over time. It will be cool. I have a calendar in the bathroom that I've been writing on. the boys are super cute as always. I wish could be more patient with Liam. I know it is hard to obey as a toddler. but sometimes, I just want him to do things right then and there. I have been working hard on following through with things, like if I say "it's naptime Liam, we can play with mommy's hair later" or "it is time to eat, when can go outside later", I try to make sure that we actually do those things later. Like as soon as possible, so it won't be an empty statement.

If you had asked me in high school, what would my life be like as its happiest, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. Because I could never have imagined my family and my job and my house and my yard and the weeds growing in the front yard that have the prettiest pink flowers that smell amazing would all fit together to make me so happy and content. I would not have been able to tell you that when I lay down at night, I judge how well my day went based upon how many times I made Liam laugh or how many smiles I got from Wyatt. I would also not have been able to tell you that I would be married to a man that I can be completely honest and open with (about the good and the bad) and he will still love me unconditionally. I know this is a sappy post, but man, I am so grateful and I really do think about it everyday.

He got the job! and a raise! and don't post anything on facebook... the people who didn't get the job don't know yet.

well, going back to work hasn't been too bad. Although I feel sorta muted at work, if that makes sense? I don't feel in my grove, especially on the computer. But I'm sure it will come back. i also can't multitask like I used to and I feel like I'm forgetting to do things. I just have to slow down, and say, okay, check the dose, check the quantity, is it set for window pick up and should be mail? Tonight I work 2nd shift, so Jeremy will be home with the boys for the first time tonight. I hope it goes okay. Our bedtime routine is pretty set in place, so hopefully it won't be too hard

I love that when you stroke Wyatt's cheek when he is asleep, he smiles. He starts daycare tomorrow. I've only cried three times today. 10 hours seems like such a long time.

the boys are both still asleep and it is 8:30! whoohoo. I've been up since 6:30 enjoying some alone time. Jeremy is out running. My back is sorta aching, so I'll be ready when Jeremy gets home so I can lie down and take a nap. It's going to stink when I have to go back to work and can't get daily naps.

Man, I can't believe that my maternity leave is almost over. I go back on the 23rd. It seems like time as flown by. Jeremy had his interview yesterday, and he think it went really well. He won't hear anything though for another two weeks. I love the men in my life. Although girls sure do have cute clothes, I wouldn't trade Liam and Wyatt for anything:)

164.2! and Liam blew bubbles and worked on his doggie paddle today. Tomorrow is Jeremy's interview. Very mixed feelings.

7 poopy diapers?

I got a raise at work and it showed up on my check this week. sweet. Thank goodness for Rebecca coming to stay with me. I am exhausted and I know if Rebecca hadn't been here, Wyatt, Liam and I would both be pretty miserable. If I give all my attention to Liam, Wyatt gets left out, and if I give all my attention to Wyatt, Liam gets into things that he shouldn't or ends up watching TV the entire time. I had alot of fun playing with Aaden and Liam today. I didn't get to hold Wyatt as much as I normally do, but Rebecca got some good cuddles in. I am so thankful for daycare. I know that I could do it every day if I had to, but I am just very lucky that I have those hours in the morning to spend one on one time with Wyatt and get a nap in to catch up on the sleep I am losing at night nursing and pumping. I still feel very guilty about Liam doing short days at daycare, because it seems so silly because I am at home, but it is what it is. I want to give Wyatt as much of me as I can before I go back to work, and I can't do that and orchestrate outdoor time, story time, craft time, snack time, lunch time and especially nap time with Wyatt. time for bed. I want Jeremy back. I miss him already!

166.4 pounds. 0.1 pounds lost? really? that's all I get?

sleeping boys

I know I've talked about this before,but Wyatt is such an amazing sleeper. And so is Liam now. I put Liam to bed and he was wide awake and jabbering to me. and I said "good night Liam, we love you! see you in the morning. you can stay awake and play with your toys if you want". and I didn't hear a peep from him. and then Jeremy laid Wyatt on our bed while I was in the shower wide awake and turned out the lights and by the time I got done, HE was fast asleep too and I just had to talk him up and put him into his crib. such sweet boys. I really need to start losing weight. I haven't lost anything since Wyatt has been two weeks up. I haven't gone past 166.5 pounds, which is just crazy because with Liam it just seemed to fall off. I've kicked my workouts into high gear. A long walk with Wyatt in the morning and an hour on the elliptical in the evening after Liam is down. I want to get back to being about to wear my clothes again. so 26.5 pounds to go!

Wyatt slept in his crib last night! and jeremy and I slept alot sounder because we weren't waking up to his every peep. And Liam didn't wake up once, so he wasn't bothered by the peeps either:) I'm ready to go back to work. I miss is there, which is amazing, because I was SOOO ready to be on maternity leave when I left. Hopefully I'll have another year and a half before I get sick of it again, and then can go on another long vacation:) The pharmacist that got murdered really has been upsetting me. because her kids are so young, because she was out running when it happened. And then it turns up that she was pregnant. I keep imagining what her poor husband is going through. It must be horrible; wanting to take care of your children but needing to grieve yourself. terrified that the 18th month old will never have memories. so horrible. and for what? a wedding ring? an Ipod? a cell phone? so useless. Liam is started to moan in the next bedroom; I think he might be ready to get up.

Liam is moving up to the bigger kids room next week. Kissing a baby's forehead is the best thing ever. I am so thankful that Wyatt isn't up for several hours every night. He has been sleeping in his bassinet all week and last night he did a whole 6 hours.

jeremy took the boys to Lowe's, so it is the first time I've been all by myself in over 4 weeks. Of course, I spent the first 10 minutes of my alone time putting up laundry. Wyatt is so sweet. he laughed for the first time yesterday while he was awake. It was at his Uncle John and his baseball cap. very cute. I've been pumping an extra 5 oz every night (sadly, it usually happens around 2-3 in the morning). But that is good because we will have lots of milk when Wyatt has to start at daycare. Jeremy is going to start applying for jobs this week. it is nerve racking. it will be strange to go back to work after maternity leave and have Jeremy ending up staying home with the boys. only time will tell (Chris, I don't think you know what is going on, but all of the revenue department is losing their jobs and have to reapply for it--- basically, in Jeremy's region, 10 people are applying for 6 jobs). Jeremy got offered a job in Cleveland already, but he would have to be there two days a week. And have you been to Cleveland? that place sucks.

Well, it has been a while. Baby Wyatt is doing great, gaining weight and eating like a champ. Stepping well at night, but mostly wants to sleep on top of me or near me, which isn't too good for me. I spend much of the nit half awake worrying about him dying because of the whole back is best and co sleeping is for satanic patients that the APP has pushed on us. I don,t trust Jeremy to sleep with the baby on him, so needless to say, I don,t get the most restful sleep. The other thing that sucks an my life right now is the series of allergi reactions I had. Like. I had to go to the emergency room with angioedema and throat swelling. It happened 5 days in a row and the allergic doctor had to ideA. Basically told me to take Loratadine every day. I think it might have been my breast buddy causing it.... I don,t now if there is latex in it or some kind of bug gt on it while it was in storage, but I haven,t used it sine the last time I had an attack lasts Wednesday and I don,t plan on it. It is really freaking me out to think about dying so much and I can't be taking so much Benadryl every time an attack happens with a baby. The other horrible thing that happened is that my cervix fell out. Didn,t even know that could happen did you? It can. Apparently it is common. Doing kegals and hoping that surgery won,t happen. Between the night sweats, feeling disgusting with this baby weight and my immobility that started after my nap today due track spams, I.m a sorry mess. Don.t get me started on the fact my license is expired and m suppose to get a new picture done. Unlikely that will happen anytime soon. I.ve been slowly erasing how much I.ve been picking Liam up, but my cervix has kept me from doing to much. I am actually thankful abo my weight. I've already last 20 pounds which is a good thin. I only have 25 More to go. With Liam. I had 45 more to go after my first 20 pounds were off. I love my sweet boys. Wyatt is going the an amazing baby, just like Liam s. we have been very lucky. He hasn't,t cried at all, we have been. Very good about meeting his needs before he needs to cry

Three am and I'm wide awake. The baby shower was very sweet. I am so thankful for Anisa. She is a wonderful friend. Sometimes I feel like I take advantage of her emotionally (complaining about life), but she still sticks around. I was sorta sad that more people didnt show up from work. I mentioned to them that it was just a baby celebration because we have so many things already and they didn't need to bring presents, but I didn't mean to imply they didn't need to bring themselves. I guess it just threw me off because only two people mentioned they weren't coming so I assumed the others were. Oh well. My car wasn't ready on Friday. I guess they needed to order another abs computer because the one they got was a dud. And I was just thinking about how I'm glad we don't have to park outside when I read things about the horrible hail in Louisville on Facebook. Then I just realized when I woke up, my car isnt even in the garage, it's in the parking lot of the repair shop. Lame. I think the hail missed our house, so hopefully it missed downtown too.

without fail, after Liam's bath and I'm waiting for Jeremy to get Liam in bed (very hopeful that I will be able to restart doing this once my stomach in slightly smaller and I can rock him/cuddle him), and I'm sitting on the computer catching up on things and I get a contraction. it has to be this stupid computer chair. I had a few contractions this morning, but then the rest of the day was some sailing except for my inability to think straight. my brain was complete mush until around 3 pm and then it went bad again when Jeremy picked me up from work. I'm better now. I went downstairs with liam and Jeremy and I sat in the lawn chair with a blanket while Liam and Jeremy played in the garden. then we found a frog and that was entertaining. But then, Liam pooped his diaper and I guess his butt was really raw. When we picked him up at daycare, he had a poopy diaper and I changed it and I think he had been sitting in it a while because I had to scrub a little bit. But then he pooped outside and he just melted down. it broke my heart. He has never had a problem with diaper rash or anything like that, so we sorta didn't know what to do. I gave him an oatmeal bath, but he whimpered through that. We finally put about a gallon of zinc oxide on him, and I think that made him feel better, but only when he was in very specific positions. I thought he was walking funny outside, but he has been practicing his crab walk so I thought he was just playing. Now I realize he was trying not to rub his junk. my poor baby. My car will be fixed tomorrow, and thankfully Jeremy will be going to pick it up with a friend at work thank goodness. I am still very worried about driving. I know that I will get over it, but it was sooo stressful yesterday and having contractions the enter day. I am so happy that everything quieted down today. Tomorrow is Anisa's baby shower and then the day after that is the CSA farm tour. Then, if the baby wants to come on Monday, it is more than welcome:)

Been up for the past hour with extremely bad nausea. Don't know if that means the baby is pushing on my stomach, or I've entered a bizarro stage of labor. Still having contractions, but more like really bad Braxton hicks because they are unrelenting and don" t really start or stop or peak. My stomach has been hard as a rock since 7:30 yesterday morning, so needless to say I'm a little stressed out. I can't do anything to relax. And I'm super thirsty , but have only been taking sips of water because of the nausea. No spotting, no mucus plug. Jeremy was smart enough to grab the infant seat out of my car before leaving it at the repair shop thank goodness. Who knows when we will be able to pick up my car. I can't drive in this condition and I might have a baby before it even gets fixed!

i hate when you put your contacts in the wrong eyes, and you know you did, but you still have to give yourself the obligatory 15 minutes "well, maybe it's just blurry because I'm sleepy" lecture before you finally go and fix them.

contractions almost all day yesterday, but nothing too exciting today. I've decided I can't even pick Liam up for a little bit, because when i do, I immediately start having a contraction. My abdomenal muscles just can't handle it I guess.

Liam was very sweet this evening; giving me lots of loving. I needed it. I'm on the verge of being overwhelmed with guilt since I know the new baby will need so much attention and Liam needs so much for us still. It is going to break my heart when i have to turn Liam away because I'm holding the other baby. I'm worried that I will spend the entire day with the new baby, then dump him on Jeremy when he gets home from work so that I can love on liam and Jeremy gets no time with him.

I know it will work out. the past few nights liam has managed his way into our bed, but it won't be safe once the new baby gets here to have them both in there. hopefully, BBF will be able to sleep in the bassinet some. It will work out. I hope.

Liam is such a sweet boy. I hope that BBF is just as amazing. I can't wait to see his face.

had a very good day today with family. And I felt pretty good except for the allergies. we had to stop in Frankfort to eat dinner though because Liam wasn't going to make it homem but the mexican place we stopped at had free kids meals on Sunday night, so score!

Now, I'm regretting everything that I did too much today. Stomach is hard as a rock and I could barely get off the floor after I gave Liam his bath.

very bad day today. low blood pressure all day and just over all draggy. tomorrow I have to work 3-11, which is gonna suck, but then I think i'm out of the schedule.

oh, non-maternity jeans, how I miss you.

Just a few more weeks until I can start losing weight. I float for the next two weeks, and then I'm out of the schedule.

sleeping has been pretty bad lately. can't get comfortable, have to pee every single time I wake up. sometimes I just sit up in bed so I won't hurt so much.

I am so excited about Liam having a little borther to play with. I really hope that this summer will not be too hot, and I will be able to do things with BBF and Liam. I really want to go to the zoo, and strawberry picking, and to Holiday World, but we will just have to wait and see.

I love watching Liam experience new things. we went to the HOA easter egg hunt yesterday, and he has a lot of fun. he got the perfect amount of eggs for himself, although half of the candy that was in them were peanut butter, so jeremy had to eat it.

his new favorite thing is to lie on the bathtub floor when the water is draining. very cute. we have been working on blowing raspberries in the water, and he will put both his ears in the water on his own.

Liam's new things:

-Saying "tank ew" aka thank you whenever you give him something
-Closing every door in the house
-picking up every Easter egg he finds and shaking it to see if there is candy in it
-running nakid into his tent before bathtime
-has stopped whining after bathtime when we get him dressed
-kissing Maybe and Perhaps on the head

very very rough night. Up most of it with back pain and nausea after rocking liam back to sleep in the middle of the night and BBF getting irritated that he was getting squished. so he relocated to my stomach region. now I'm having really bad heart burn.

I'm glad that I got to cuddle with Liam though. it is the best thing ever to kiss the top of his head and have him bury his head in your neck.

Liam has been really whinny for the past week or so, and really bad this evening. It is so hard to be patient. Also, he has started smacking (not when he is angry, but when he is playing). I am so frustrated because i know he is learning it at daycare, and I don't know how to undo his bad habits from them. I tell him no and say he needs to be soft. I know he is just testing his limits, but it is so tiring to deal with, especially at 8 months prego. This time in 4 weeks, we might have a new baby. very crazy.

I also think he might be cutting his two year molars. He has not slept well the past week, and there is always a reason when he doesn't sleep well.

I love it when you wake up and have no intentions of being productive whatsoever, and then you get a gazillion things done. Lights finally installed in the ceiling fan, garden fence complete, radishes/peppers/cucumbers planted, front garden area weeding and pruned, faucet fixed, blinds fixed in the closet, Maybe and Zippy shaved.

Dinner on the patio too, and another training toliet for upstairs, naps for Liam and me, playing outside for about 20 minutes with Mommy and a 20 minute bike ride with Daddy.

I think we don't have to worry about stairs anymore. He has gone down them about 10 times really well. It will be nice when we can really not worry about them at all. I guess my big concern is if he gets distracted and looks up or something, or leans back.

I am very thankful for my family and the fact that I have an amazing little boy. Some days I don't actively think about it, but last night and today he has been such a sweetheart. It makes my heart melt.

Rebecca and Greg and Aaden came into town and we met them at TGI Fridays. Then we came home and Aaden and Liam just played and played and played. It was so cute. Then, Spauldings in the morning, Monkey Joes for the boys while Bec and I went shopping, then Ramsey's for lunch. After we said our good byes, home for a nap and then downtown for festivities. It was super crowded and muddy in the field, and we didn't stay long at all. Then we headed back to near the house and went to the park.

And Jeremy got to see the baby do some alien moves.

And everytime I asked Liam for a kiss, he gave me one with a hug to top it off.

I feel like the weekend is already over, and tomorrow is just going to be a bonus day off.

I went to Victoria Secret to get x-large underwear, but had to settle on large because that's all they sold. I only got two pair, and they tried to upsell me to 5 pair (which was a much better deal). I said no, I only plan on being x-large for another two months.

yesterday, very good day. Amazing day.

Today, horrible.

oh well, win some, you lose some.

Baby insomnia sucks.. I put up a load of laundry and there is only so much you can look at on Facebook.

I passed my glucose test!!!!

I've been thinking about generosity a lot. If people demand your generosity, it becomes something else, but I can't put my finger on what. Who has a right to demand your time, your money, your love? Close family? Friends? People on the street? People who want what you have? Where is the line drawn? I'm confused by the whole subject, but I know this for sure. I am not my brother's keeper, and your need/want will never justify me giving up my livelihood to give you a better life. It is my decision to be generous, and if I de I decide not to be and that makes me selfish, than I would rather be 100 times selfish than give anyone who wishes it an open check book to my life so they can make withdrawals whenever they want to.

it's been good on the contraction front the past few days. No real ones or Baxton-Hicks, although I did fail by glucose test and had to take a 3 hour repeat one yesterday. that is a horrible test. 4 arm sticks in the same spot is no fun. I've been on a self enforced "no sweet" diet since I failed the test because I'm concerned for the baby... I didn't fail the test with Liam, but maybe I got some late onset gestational diabetes and that was why Liam was so big. So, I'm worried about my sugars running high all the time and exposing the baby. So, it's been 5 days and I've actually lost 1.5 pounds. It's amazing how many times during the day I have a sweet tooth, or even want carbs. Whenever I have a craving for something sweet, I've been getting a bowl of oatmeal with protein powder and some type of fruit (dried or otherwise). Which means I've been eating oatmeal 2-3 times a day:) And tons of veggies so that I won't want to snack as often, and at least 40 grams of protein a day. It's working out well, and helping my bowels.

But man, what I wouldn't do for a huge thing of cheese fries and a milk shake from steak and shake. Maybe if I pass this three hour test, we can do a weekly splurge, instead of a daily splurge.

lots of braxton-hicks, with sparadoic real contractions thrown in. I have got to stop worrying and fretting so much, but alot of things are going on and it's making me a nervous wreck. I also have to stop carrying Liam around. I've cut back a lot, but not completely. 28 weeks today, 27 pound weight gain. this time with Liam I was at a 40 pound weight gain.


i had two real contractions this morning before I even got out of bed :(

26 weeks today, and about 25 pounds gained--- this keeps fluctuating between 20 and 25 pounds, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be 25 pounds.

This is the 4th night in a row that Liam has gone to bed without a passy. I am so proud of him. this weekend we will likely tackle nap time. Hopefully that will go as smooth.

Work has been stressful. I get very angry about shady people and I wish that I could just let things go. Someone gave me the advise that your job is just a means to do the things that you love, but I want to like my job too. In general I do, it's just when people are horrible, it really gets to me. i wish that people could just be respectful and honorable. but they aren't.

Liam and Jeremy and I went on a walk today after work and it was very sweet, although liam skinned his hands falling.

We have been doing very good about handling Liam's temper tantrums and trying to minimize miscommunication. the other day, Liam was pointing at the kitchen counter, and I thought he wanted an animal cracker. but when i got one out, he immediately melted down and I knew right then that he wanted a banana cookie. But, we have been very consistent about not rewarding melt downs. So, we went back into the living room and Jeremy and I started playing together with Liam's toys until he realized it would be much more fun to play with us then to continue to have a melt down. And then next time he pointed to the kitchen counter, I picked liam up and let him reach for what he wanted. sometimes I just want to give him what he wants, but he has already learned very quickly that throwing a fit does not get rewarded because his fits are getting shorter and shorter. And I know he is little and doesn't understand, but I try to explain to him whenever I say no, or not to do something, why it is I don't want him to do it. "Liam, don't climb on the TV stand. It could fall over and hurt you." "Liam, be soft with the doggie, you don't want to hurt her". I think it will really help Liam to understand that mommy and daddy aren't "no nazis" for no reason.

Liam started kissing my tummy tonight and I think we made some head way on the idea of the baby in my belly. he saw his baby picture and pointed at it (never really noticed it before), and I held it to my stomach and said 'look Liam, there's a baby in my belly just like this baby' and a light bulb sorta went off in his face. I have been saying there's a baby in my belly for the past few months, but he had no idea what it meant. So, he's either excepting to see a baby, or a picture frame come out of me:)

sometimes I worry that I won't love the babies equally. I really really really like Liam. People always say you don't have a favorite, but what if they are lying so they won't sound like horrible people?

Very productive day yesterday. I was able to clean the house while Jeremy was out running in the morning (minus the kitchen). And today I worked on organizing the basement some more.

And I got naps in with Liam on both days.

Next weekend, I get a three day weekend.

I feel so very pregnant and still have 15 weeks to go. wait gain is holding out right at 20 pounds. i think at this point with liam I was 35 pounds gained.

where is the lid to my deodorant? Only Liam can answer that question, and I will have to wait a few more months before he will even be close to answering.

And for a followup, how did he manage to hid the lid, and not the actual deodorant? they were attached together last time I checked. "shakes fist" at legos and their teaching abilities!

Happy Belated Birthday to my favorite doctor:)

haven't been feeling well, but have started nesting already. Liam's closet is organized, and there is room for babies clothes, I emptied three boxes in the basement and I organized all the baby clothes.

Here's hoping the new baby can actually wear the newborn outfits we have! And oh my goodness, how many clothes we have. I've found things that I know Liam was only able to wear once before he was too big for them.

No clothes for presents please. or toys. I think there are about 20 things that I will be able to register for, but we have everything else.

Oh, and we have a baby name picked out. First AND middle name. But everyone will have to wait until little man's birth day! Until then, he'll go by BBF 1.58 :)

I'm sorta in a funk right now. Sad that Liam is growing up so big so quickly, and anxious for time to past so I can meet the new little man. Worried about handing two babies. And worried about what kind of men they will grow into. I spend a lot of time worrying about mental illness which both our families have struggled with and I just want them to have happy (and productive) lives.

There are some miserable people in the world. And I feel like my only defense with the babies is to love them like crazy.

Next month is going to be very bittersweet.

When we went to Liam's 15 month check up, he was in the 97th percentile for height still. 32.5 inches. he's gigantic! and then I see him at home and think how little he is.

if we made an extra $1000 payment a month, our 30 year mortgage would be a 10 year mortgage and we would save over $140K in interest.

too bad the new baby is gonna cost almost $1000 a month for childcare.

I bet we can still do it. Frugal is my middle name!


speaking of babies, I can not wait to meet this new little man. I wonder if he will look and act like Liam, but I have a feeling he will be completely different. I thought we had a first name picked out, but that fell through, so now back to square one.

And thank goodness Liam is almost through cutting his 2nd canine tooth. He has been such a grumpster, but tonight we played and giggled the entire evening.

and Liam has started running! it is SOOO cute. Tomorrow is his 15 month checkup and I think he has reached all the developmental milestones. he rocks my scoks:)

I am so happy for my sister that she got the job she applied for :)