Today was a pretty nice day. I got up and went to work at the VA from 8 until 4 ( I skipped lunch so that I could leave 30 minutes early). I was super productive because it was just me and another pharmacist. There wasn't another valor student there, and the residents are new this month and have started working on the weekends yet. And I was able to talk to the pharmacist about how one of the other fellow valor students was super shady (I traded her one of my Saturday shifts so I could go volunteer at the Asthma Walk for one of her July shifts, and she just didn't bother showing up for mine), and she agreed with me. She mentioned that she has done some other stuff that has made her not on the top of the pharmacists lists, so that makes me happy. She was the girl that I really did not think deserved to get the position, and she got it over me. oh well, her true colors are showing.

While I was at work, Jeremy ran down to the gym (literally since I had the only car), rode 2 hours for a cancer/HIV combo charity thing, and then ran back home (literally-see above).

then I came home and read some in my book while Jeremy played a new Indiana Jones lego game that he downloaded. Then we headed downtown for the PRIDE festival and another diversity festival. I saw an old professor from Transy who got fired for making cocaine in the lab, so that was a tad awkward.

It was sorta stinky because we were listening to a band with a guy from Jeremy's work in it, and it started raining really hard. Luckly, I thought ahead and had this really huge umbrella from Jeremy's car and I held it for the both of us while Jeremy finished his euro. Sadly, things started shutting down after the big storm. But, we were able to get some kettle corn before we left.

Then, we headed over to Walmart spur of the minute, and bought bike helmets and a bike chain. We always feel bad riding without helmets, so we finally broke down and got them. And we got two new pillows are seaching through the stacks of them, trying to find two that weren't contaminated (aka, their plastic wasn't pulled off at any point). And we got toliet paper to make me feel better. I always feel better with extra toliet paper in the house.

I wish that every day was like this.

I found out that I will be at the Leestown Road VA all this next month. Which is sorta stinky because it is a hike away. but, I've decided it would be better if I go to Marriott in the morning with Jeremy, hang out of an hour or so, then head over to work. then, pick him up after work and drive home. that would save us like 20 miles a day in gas.

I feel much better now. Well, not much better in the fact that my car is sitting in Ashland sick, but much better in my whole outlook on life. I calmed my nerves and am living in the now. what will happen will happen.

So I'm not going to look further ahead than a year or so:)

or the next 8 minutes when People's Court comes on.

Even though my car is sick, it's good that it happened this weekend when Jeremy had already taken the day off on Monday and Tuesday to come to Ashland with me so that we can go to Carter Caves. it was pretty much perfect timing. and granted, we will have to drive back separately on Tuesday evening, but I would much rather have someone driving behind me who can rescue me if my car goes crappy again.

I made in ipromtu trip almost to Ashland today. Well, actually I first went to Cincinnati today to work, but on the way home Virginia called to let me know she was on her way home from Ashland. Then a few minutes later she called to tell me her smoke was rolling out from her back left wheel and a burnt break smell permeated the air. It sounds like the breaks froze and wouldn't open completely. Fortunately Virginia wasn't on the interstate yet, so she pulled over and jacked the back of the car to see if she could turn the wheel easily. She could turn it, but we decided trying to drive back to Lexington would be too risky so she went back to my parents' house. Since I was planning on going up to Ashland with Virginia this weekend, I'll fix the car then. I'm guessing I'll have to change out the rotor and change the brake pads, which shouldn't be too difficult. Mom was nice and drove Virginia about 1/4th of the way back to Lexington so we wouldn't get home so late, which was very nice of her. I'm glad Virginia is home.

So, I've resolved that I worry WAY too much about the future. I have literally found myself over the past two weeks thinking in every single spare moment about the next couple of years. I think it is because I am away from Jeremy and I'm not distracted by him.

I'm worried about if I do a residency, it will set us back on paying off our school loans and saving up money for a dream house. And if I do one year of residency, what's to stop me from doing a 2nd year. I am worried about having kids so late in life too. I want three, Jeremy only wants two. I want them close together. I want to travel. I want to see my grandkids. I don't want to be a 40 year old mother. I don't want to put my life on hold when I am working so hard for it right now. I'm selfish.

I don't think all of you know this, but a really big priority for me is to have a really nice house. I mean, a ridiculously nice house. The kind with huge rooms and vaulted ceilings and lots of them, and a place for friends to visit and parents to live if need be. And a huge back yard that is fenced in and a garden and a place to put a freezor and a huge plasma flat screen TV. and I don't want to be a rich snob with upper class chilldren, but that can't happen. I read these books and I feel guilty for being privledged, for being white and from a good family and being intelligent. Why do I get the big dream house and get to make over 100K in less than a year while this other 25 year old already has three kids and works at McDonald's as the assistant manager with hopes of being promoted if she can catch the bus to work on time every morning. And don't even get me started on how I can't even force myself to imagine, much less comprehend if I was born on another continent with another skin color in a shack with feces outside the front door. I wonder if my mind would be the same... which is another stereotype that I am disgusted to have.

And here I sit, trying to figure out how many things we need to claim on our taxes when we are in the highest tax bracket so we won't have to pay money to the government at the end of every fiscal year.

and I won't be concerned with anything else, except paying extra on our student loan bill, the one with the highest interest rate of course, then saving up for mortgage payments in case of emergency, then saving up for college tutition for our unborn children so they can also be rich and white and assume $100K jobs will be given to them in their mid 20's just for the simple fact they are rich and white. And my children will be raised my strangers because what it is the point in going to school and getting 80K in debt now if I'm not going to work while they are little so that we can afford above mentioned dream home. they will be stuck in some upper class day care as soon as they hit 6 weeks and I have to go to work where I feel guilty for giving up on breastfeeding after a few weeks of not be able to take a break more often than every 14 hours.

these thoughts consume me. I will love what I do. I will love being a pharmacist, I can already tell. but I want to have children. I want to see their faces and see who they will become and love them until my chest feels like it will be squeezed shut. and I can't connect the two. I'm asked Jeremy to clarify, to explain, to show me how it is going to work and he doesn't know and I don't know and it is driving me insane.

I guess this is my quarter life crisis.

Christy, I sent you a message on facebook because my cell phone doesn't work here.

my tummy hurts.

I'm ready to be back in Lexington.

The baby has pink eye and my eye was itchy last night. that isn't good.

hi all.

there's not much to say. I'm here in Ashland, alone because Jeremy's parents are on vacation. it is pretty lonely and at times scary. last night i could have sworn I heard the garage door open and then closed and that freaked me out. I don't know how many people know the code to the garage door. I am so glad that Maybe is with me. On Monday, one of Jeremy's dad's workers took it upon himself to come up into the house looking for a set of keys at like 7:30 in the morning. I literally had just finished getting dressed from getting out of the shower. I went to see what was going on, and Maybe just went crazy, growling and barking and lunging at this guy. I was super glad. I have never seen her act that way before. she's pretty laid back and always wagging her tail and if not that, running away from strangers because she's scared. but I think she knew that I was freaked out because it was just me and her in the house and some strange guy coming in. I told Jeremy about it and he thought it was no big deal, it was just Billy. I think it was a HUGE deal. seriously, if I'm going to be in this house by myself, I don't want ANYONE coming in, especially when the house phone isn't working 99% of the time and my cell phone keeps losing service. it really freaks me out. I'll be glad when I get to go home on Thursday, although last Thursday I was really sleepy on the drive and that sucked.

Another thing about this week is the fact that I brought Zippy. I thought it would be nice to cuddle with him and not such a big deal since Jeremy's parents were gone and their dogs are in Lexington with Jeremy and Perhaps. not so much. On the drive up here on Sunday night, Zippy pooped right at Morehead. and not normal cat poop. I swear this smelled exactly like nasty baby poop. I have no idea what that cat ate, but it was disgusting. so then, I had to drive the rest of the way with all the windows down for the next hour. and when we get there, it was horrible cleaning it up. the beach towel I had in the crate with him was completely covered in it, he was covered in it, and the crate was covered in it. Gross. I rinsed out the beach towel in the back bathroom, I figured I would put it through the washer after it dried a little bit. I went to take care of it last night, and the towel smelled worse than it did with the poop on it because it mildewed. I washed it twice, but I don't think the smell is going to come out. completely gross. And Zippy has taken it upon himself to wake up me every hour on the hour. I have slept more than 5 hours a night because he keeps jumping on me . it is driving me crazy. and he keeps getting downstairs into the basement and hiding underneath the couch. ahhhhhh.

I went running last night and it was pretty nice, although when I got back in I found a tick on my shirt and that sorta freaked me out as well. I checked over maybe and couldn't find anything on her, but I am still worried.

Today I am going out again with one of the consulting pharmacists Jeff. hopefully it will be a short day, and then tomorrow will past by quickly too and then I will be at home

I am back home!

Wednesday was a little crazy. I went out with the consulting pharmacist to Wellston, Ohio (I think) and while we were there, there was a big storm and by the time we tried to drive back to Ashland, the road out of town was completely flooded. so we spent the next four hours driving around trying to figure out how to get home. We finally drove up to Jackson, Oh and then drove around that way. I got home around 7 and decided to head up to CVS which is little 3 minutes away from Jeremy's parent's house to get chap stick because mine was removed from my bedroom and chewed on by Belle. and my lips were so chapped they were bleeding. So, by the time I got out there, another big storm hit and I was stuck in CVS with the electricity out. super lame.

I was able to leave the rotation at like 4:30 yesterday, but on the way home to pick up the dogs (we have Sasha and Sneakers with us too since Jeremy's parents are out of town), the road to their house was closed because of a downed tree. so then I had to drive around randomly trying to find the other end of their street to come around the opposite direction. I finally got on the road at 5:30 and after having my dress shirt soaked through with doggie droll (I kept switching off the air conditioner to save gas) and fighting off sneakers from getting into my lap, I made it home.

Turtle isn't freaked out about the other dogs because here at all. I am very surprised.

Tomorrow we are going to Mammoth Cave to do a 4 hour cave hike or something like that. Sunday I have to work at CVS from 10 to 3 and then I have to drive back to Ashland that night because I'm going out again with another consultant pharmacist Monday morning at 8. then next Thursday night I will be able to come back to Lexington.

In other news, I found out this morning that the acedemic scholarship I applied for was a success. It was for $1036 which seems like a pretty random number, but that's not chump change, you know?

I've decided that I'm going to have to do a residency at UK. I have talked about it before with Jeremy already and he completely supports me, but I was laying in the bathtub this morning and it came really clear. if I don't try for this now, I will always regret it. I will always feel like I am wasting a part of me. I just hope that I get it. but we won't know until next March.

our house is a little cold

I'm in ashland and it is pretty much horrible. My allergies have been acting up really badly, and I miss Jeremy and I think my rotation is going to be horrible. it makes me sad to think that I have to be here for the next month