well, wyatt was kicked out of daycare.  Which apparently means all the boys were kicked out of daycare, which we were informed of on Monday afternoon.  To say it was traumatic would be putting it mildly.

Liam is fine, although he misses his friends.  beckett is upset in general, and Wyatt is just even more confused. Because he's 4, he doesn't understand why he will never see his friends again. or his teachers.

Beckett has been doing fine though--- has been carrying around his blanket at daycare, but he's OCD in general about material things, so even if he wasn't upset he might be carrying them around. Liam and wyatt are in the same room at their new daycare, which I think is a good thing. Will be a test to find out what happens when Liam goes to kindergarden in a few weeks.

we are trying to find a psychologist for wyatt.  It's easier said than done. Surprise surprise, no one takes on patients that young. Because he's 4, and because people that around 4 year olds have to teach them acceptable behaviors and create boundaries.  Rather than kicking them out of their 2nd home without so much as a goodbye.

still doing the news freeze and I really feel a lot better.  spending a lot more time with the boys.  we danced in the rain today.  Wyatt is having a hard time at daycare, so much that they may tell us he can't come back- he has behaviors there that he doesn't have at home, and it is really frustrating trying to punish him at home for things he does there.

So, we aren't going to.  We are going to love him and give him lots of attention and work with him on using his words when he is angry or upset.  Today he said that he misses Grandma Jolley, who I haven't really talked about too much recently--- and Maybe is also getting close to being gone. Maybe he is just acting out because of that.

no punishment anymore on our end for things- he still isn't able to watch TV or ipad but that is because I read that it can increase acting out behavior.  no being sent to his room, no more taking away toys or dessert or the swing set or his vitamin at night (seriously, we were running out of things to take away from him).  If he gets kicked out of daycare, it will be okay.  we will still love him and we will still work with him managing his emotions and using words, although going back to the behaviors at daycare he doesn't have at home- he doesn't throw tanturms, he doesn't hit us or his brothers.  so we can just talk to him ways to handle abstract problems that we are told about at daycare.

the director gave me pamplets today about taking him to a child counselor.  I am trying not to be defensive, but seriously? he's 4, and only shows these behaviors at daycare and it's only for the past week? or it's been longer and they haven't told us about it?  I'm not a child psychologist or anything, but I'm pretty sure it's something they are missing the ball on--- either not intervening when they should or picking battles that don't need to be fought.  But then I also read something about how if a kid sees parents being bossy, then they will be bossy with their friends--- and I guess I'm bossy because we are very much "stop acting like a crazy person" whenever they are acting like crazy people and they stop.  Which is maybe why we don't see those behaviors at home. 

so we toured another daycare today.  I don't know... we have been gone there for ever and the boys love the teachers and if we move one, we have to move them all. But not really liam because he is going to kindergarden

tonight we giggled a bunch and he went to bed feeling loved, which I'm not sure he has felt that way that other nights this week since we've lectured him non stop about being a good boy.

I've decided to go on a news freeze for a week. I just can't stand it.  I read too many horrible things, too many horrible opinions.  My mindset is horrible. everything is just horrible.

Liam is obsessed with Queen now. it is really cute--- he will just randomly bust out with "we are the champions" at the top of his lungs.

we are going to the Bluegrass fair- it opens tomorrow..

I still have a quarter of a mile to go in order to get to 5 miles.  I was so busy at work, I couldn't get up to go on my two mini walks like a usually do.

Wyatt jumped into the pool for the first time today and of course realized he loved it.  and beckett went down the little kid slide today and realized he loved.  they are getting so big.  I am so proud of them.  when we started this summer, wyatt wouldn't let me let go off him.  now look at him.

I'm burnt. Not all the way, I think it is actually tan, but I feel a lot tighter on my shoulders. I lathered me self up at the pool, but I used sun block from last year. Hopefully I won't wake up miserable.

We have caught 5 shrews in the basement. Who knew they were even down there- I just happen to see one dart into the wall when I was working out on night- didn't even really know what it was. But two mouse traps from Lowes and five dead shrewd, I'm wondering if there is n entire freaking colony living in our basement.

Last night I got woke up by a woman screaming- it was like a 3Am- it was somewhere behind the house- I ran out side and yelled if everything was okay- she cries to call 911- I ran back in to tell Jeremy and to put shorts on, the ran down to the basement to get a lantern then out the backyard through the gate- and she was gone. I never saw her and didn't even know what she looked like- I want back in- Jeremy was freaking out that I ran outside to help, and I just said if it was me screaming for help, you would want someone to come running to me, even if 3 in the morning in the dart- we called 911, and the police showed up 10 minutes later- didn't have much to tell them since she was gone- I'm not sure if she drove off or went into a house or what, but she was for sure hysterical and I was worried she did like a hit and run and someone was hurt- the police didn't find anything I guess because they never came back- made for a very dramatizing night.

I hope she is only. I did all I could- I didn't freak out and the time between me running outside and me going back out must have only been 45 secs- I don't know what happened in that 45 secs- maybe she left for the hospital.

I got up I the morning and checked outside in the daylight- I didn't see anything- then went wild blackberry picking- totally the risks outweighs the benefits- wild berries are very small and the thorns are oh so sharp. I had boots jeans long sleeve shirts and two pairs of exam globes on. I was still hurting every time I reached in- you got a bunch of berries- might as well make it worth my while.

Ever since my mom has died, I'm like on this higher plane of anxiety. The good thing is that I'm aware of it. That I can talk myself down usually- breathing deep and forcing myself to go on walks even if I don't want to. But it's tiring. And then the things going on in the world- things I can't change- veterans dying of OD, men getting murdered for broken tail lights- I will never lose sleep worrying about my boys being killed by the police, but there are hundred of other mothers that have to.  I don't want to be living in this time- I want things to just be sane right now- I want everyone to not be judged - for their religion or their race or their sexuality- I just want it to be decided that we will all just be and live our lives. But not happening- because there are horrible people in the world- that have always been there, but they were muted. Now there are horrible people on public platforms that bring them out of the wood work and now I have be slapped in the face with it instead of my peaceful denial.