the dreaded cold--- when the house is set at 68 and I'm always freezing :(  how many months until it gets warm again?  I hope that tomorrow evening isn't too miserable trick or treating.  I don't want to be cold and wet!


Diet is going really well.  Yesterday was a desert day at work for a co-workers retirement party.  I've known it's been coming a for a while, so I made sure I didn't waste any slurges for the week leading up to it.  I got a plateful, but not my normal plateful of overflowing, and if I didn't love something that I tried, I didn't finish it.  silly to waste calories on something that isn't healthy and isn't even that good.  I felt horrible afterward from the sugar rush, but it was almost nice in a way because it was very obvious that I felt bad from the sweets and it was nice to think--- see-- you don't need platefuls of crap.

the number on the scale is going down, but I'm not really going by that since it doesn't seem to correspond to my clothes fitting.  Still haven't brought myself to trying on the pants that made me feel so bad from my last post, but maybe in next week or the week after.

I want to stop being so short tempered with the boys--- sometimes it's like peaks and valleys.  for sure in a valley right now--- beckett will antagonize Wyatt (he does it to Liam too, but Liam thinks it is amusing), Liam will antagonize Wyatt, Liam does things even after you repeatedly tell him to stop, Wyatt gets into EVERYTHING.  I know it will get better, but I just wish I could go a day without raising my voice--- is that too much to ask?

I was thinking that when Liam is 10, I bet he will be as tall as me.

You would think that I would have learned to take a Benadryl the night I watch the Walking Dead so that I won't be up all night thinking about the show, but I don't.

I've been pretty strict with my diet using an app. 1300 calories total intake- which ends up being like 1800 calories or so after you throw in my workout for the day.  no candy or cookies or chips or empty calories- veggies and protein.

Anyways, I was feeling all good to have reached 145 because I've made this mental decision that 145 is my new pre-pregnancy 140 pounds because I have a ton more muscle now.  Insert eye roll now... I don't have a ton more muscle to weigh more.  I might be more tone now, but when I went to try on my size 8 pants that I fit when I'm 140, they only fit when I was standing. False sense of security.  By the time I put the boy's shoes on, sat on the couch to cuddle and bent over to put on their jackets, they were cutting into me so badly, it was making me like crawling out of my skin.  and I was angry at myself for being disillusioned with myself. So, I ran back to the bedroom to get old faithful size 10 black pants.

Dear post pregnancy body,
I know I've put you through a lot. and I know we work very well together getting stronger. and I will forgive you for the sometimes multiple times I have to stop working out to pee. Beckett is now 18 months... and I have pants that I can not wear (at least comfortably).  And this is just one little victory that I would like to win. I want to be able to wake up, and put on pants without any form of elastic in the waist, and be able to utter a sigh of contentment for the perfect fit. I'm not asking for a size 0. Heck, I don't even want a size 6. I want a size 8....

Here are my protein sources:
eggs (scrambled or hard boiled)
muscle milk light shakes
premier protein bars
blackbean burgers
cottage cheese
light and fit greek yogurt
Kasha protein cereral

also have had in the past two weekends- black beans, split peas, tofu, slices of cheddar cheese, gouda

veggies- lots of salad, just a tablespoon of whatever dressing, steamed broccoli, whatever veggies Jeremy sautees up for dinner

what a beautiful weekend.  Went to Biwater farm on Saturday and did lots of activities there.  Went to Meijer in the morning and got a bunch of things. We haven't gone there in a really long time because we usually get everything from Costco, greenbean , or bountiful harvest.

I have been working to help around the house a lot.  Jeremy is going in to work every day now, so he doesn't leave work until 5pm.  and doesn't get home until after we do.  It is a huge adjustment, considering that we have been used to him pretty much having dinner on the table when we get home every day for the past 5 years.

But, I'm picking up the slack with dishes and laundry and picking up.  I cleaned up the garden and the outside stuff. Not going to be doing any cooking anytime soon.

Family came to visit on Saturday, and it was a fun day.  maybe not enough food though.  Sunday we went on a train ride to a pumpkin patch.  I should have likely have stayed home with Beckett and Jeremy just take the other boys, but it wasn't too bad.

I am seriously spending every minute outside that I can.  I think I've come up with a battle plan for the winter though, if the basement doesn't get too cold.  it is currently cleaned up, with plenty of space to ride loops with bikes and the Jeep if needed.

It was wet and cold, but we still went out and played on the bikes because we are amazing.  I think I need a hair cut.  My nails are so pretty.