HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!! :)

stream of conscious

so.... yep. You sit and think and wonder if there is something going on that you missed, maybe somewhere down the line where you weren't included. the pieces don't fit together, the things that weren't changed and you wonder if it were lies. was it just a game of give and take so there would be a balance? and if you questioned, there would just be more lies on top

and here you sit and are torn and confused and tormented for the things you say and know you shouldn't have said because you have become the one thing you despise. but there is no point in explaining because the people that matter most already know and the people who don't would never listen anyway. so, you wonder if you are mistaken and if that disapproving look was just another look or if it meant something. but if it were a disapproving look, should there be offense taken for i have disapproved often and never commented ever though comments would have been justified. it would be better to be called out for anything that could be thought of i have already thought about and have been tormented for not being what i require of everyone else to be. so, you sit and think and wonder if there was something that you missed, why the pieces of the puzzles don't fit together or maybe the pieces don't even belong to the game. when something is not right, you hope that it doesn't extend to your sphere of the world, but it is silly to think that

I think that Jeremy is going to write an update about the trip, so I just leave you will be had a really good time and it really wasn't all that cold.

I've only got one test grade back. There's a girl in our class that's been in the hospital for like three weeks and they are holding our tests hostage until they figure out what they are going to do with her. It's been really frustrating, but what can you do?

the test grade I got was a 98% which I wasn't really expected. I thought it would have gotten lower, but Dr. Fink must have taken some of my answers.

I have a test next week for my elective that I'm not really for. And then the week after that, it's blocks again. Where does the time go? it's craziness.

Jermey is curretnly out at the bookstore using a gift card that he got and getting his sister Mona a card for her birthday. and then he will be swinging by CVS to get me a much needed pair of tweezers.

I love those littel packets of gum you can get at Mexican resturants. They are awesome!

OH WOW

Umm...ok...now that girl's a wee bit nutty. She seriously gives me the heeby jeebies and what is even creepier is that I went to her blog and her picture at the bottom looks normal but she's obviously not uhh not all there if u know what i'm sayin. Whats funny is though is that people have so much time to think about what they're going to say when they write responses online, especially when its something like this, like a blog. It seemed like she sat and thought so long about what to say so she didn't look stupid (like she KNEW it was you on her blog, and she planted those posts, and that she used her site counter to figure it out lol etc.) that part of you can't help but laugh. I think you really got to her, whenever you write someone a letter thats a paragraph and you get two pages in response you've pushed more than a few buttons (....and in this case she was making up some serious shit too lol). The real test will be to see if you get your spanish book in the mail, if not I say keep on her for it! It's the principle damnit!!!!!

P.S.-What does she mean its just you and your animals- i mean i know you and jeremy are newlyweds but really hes not that much of an animal. :)

Guess what showed up on my doorstep yesterday?

A Chris!!!

Which was quickly followed by a Twinkie and a Lissa!

It was a really great surprise.

I miss seeing a Chris more often.

We're going to CEDAR POINT!!!!!

ok, here's the good stuff....

ah, the joy, the joy... I figured you folks would get a kick out of this. I was sorta holding out hope that maybe she would actually bring my book like she said she would and when she didn't, I got irritated all over again and I was in a sleep deprived not thinking state. so I made another dig at her in a facebook message.

10.16.06 2:35pm

just in case you forgot, I want my book back still.

And she replied...

Oh my god.

And she also wrote that she thought in her little minifeed that I was crazy.

So, I was like "oh no she didn't" with the hair flip, butt sticking out and finger wag. I sent her this. I asked Jeremy to read it before I did and ask if it was too immature and he said it was fine. Which is funny, because it's completely and totally immature and 5 year oldish. I told him if it were my mom reading it, she would talk some sense into me.

my dear, you are the crazy one. Also, you seem to be a pathological liar and I have learned not to trust you with a 10 foot pool. Can I give you some advice and tell you not to update your zanga site from work? Espeically when you work with people that don't like you like Missy? She was more than happy to pull it up one day to show some post you wrote about her. And let me just say, iit has been amazing the difference between the things you tell me and what you write about on your blog. Referring to my book, I've been just waiting for you to break and tell me that you sold it, which I'm sure you have or something else equally dishonest. I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt and that maybe you really did forget, but when I saw you could lie about your own grandmother's death... that threw out any bit of respect I could have for you.

And another thing, I've talked to Rebekah about the whole CVS thing and I know Kristin and newsflash.... you lied about that too. They should have called the cops on you. I'm strongly thinking about recommending to the pharmacy admissions committee that they call up some of your old employers and do a few background checks on you. I think you would be a shame to the profession of pharmacy.

So, a few things. I'm the one that actually found the website on the cornerstore computer like 2 years ago. Missy didn't even know about it. I talked to Jeremy about putting what I did put cuz I just felt weird about finding her site. Even though I really had no reason to be embarassed for it. At the time I found it in the computer history, it was like "oh cool, she has a site" but I didn't remember it or anything. Anyways, I shouldn't have put that because it didn't accomplish anything and really had no point.

The whole CVS thing... while she was working at Gericare, she got a job at CVS, where my friend Rebekah from school works. We all three made the connection that we worked with each other and laughs were had all around. Anyway, Lindsey gets fired from CVS and stops showing up for work at Gericare at the same time. Come to find out, Lindsey would go into her work before her shift, buy a bunch of things and write a check for them. THEN, later on in her shift, she would take the check out of the cash register and throw it away. The first time it happened, someone found it and just thought it was an accident and just put in back in the register. The 2nd time it happened, they figured out was going on. Rebehak tells me that she goes hysterical and starts snotting and crying and is talking about how money is short and she needs to pay her rent. Needless to say, she gets fired but the cops weren't called. BUT, CVS filled out a report to corporate saying what happen and what measures were taken, yada yada. This was last Jan or something that I heard this. So, when school starts up and I see her in my class, she tells me like the third week of class about how she got accepted to work at Walgreens and when she shows up for work the first day, they tell her that she can't work because her background check came back positive. Apparently, CVS puts all their employee records into some huge corporate pool and all big corporations have access to that pool. She tells me that they accused her of stealing from a customer or something and that she's going to get a lawyer and go after CVS. That's when I run home and google her screenname that's on facebook to find her site that I know exists and see what the real story is. Alas, I didn't find anythign about that, but I did find a whole big thing about Missy that I didn't even really know what was going on. I knew that didn't like each other, but that's pretty much it. I sort of didn't know what to think about the whole CVS thing cuz it was just strange how the stories were complete opposites. Anyway, when she NEVER showed up to class, I kept going back to her site to see what was going on. So, I sent the above thing to her this morning and blocked her from my facebook account and sat anxiously at school waiting to run home to see what she would write to me. thankfully, my anxiety was not in vain

To Virginia---
First of all. You have no idea what you are talking about. The first thing is---did you ever think that maybe just maybe I did the xanga thing on purpose? I did not want to lose my job and I wanted to tell Missy how I felt without really telling her. Strike one for you. I also find it really pathetic that you feel the need to read my site to check up on me. Since you are new to the xanga world -- let me give you a little piece of advice. There is a thing called protected posting where you post things you don't want everyone in the world to see - just people you know and trust. That, and another site I have just for myself, is where I post the things that are really bothering me, such as my grandmother's death---which ironically, you would never be able to see. I find it creepy that you were reading my site to gather information on me---when really --- shock!---I don't write everything for the world to see -- just those I trust. I know for blabber mouths like you --- that is hard to fathom. Are you doing well in school this semester -- because it seems like you have been devoting a significant amount of your time to me. Weirdo.
Moving on...
Secondly, the CVS thing. If I was lying--why would I go out of my way to be the one to tell you what happened? If I was lying--why even bring it up? Hmmm? I seem remember (you know since I was there, and gasp!, you weren't) that when the incident occured R was not present and neither was K. Therefore, anything they heard must have come from the manager who hated me from the get go because I thought he was gay. Strike one for CVS---talking about former employees. In addition, they could have not called the cops on my because I did not do anything wrong and they had no proof. CVS is a company which does prosecute, which I am sure you are aware of "queen of the universe", and if they had reason to prosecute they would have. Ironically, they didn't---so what does that say? Yep that is what I thought --- they had no reason to because I did nothing wrong.
Oh and FYI about biology of aging and another FYI about xanga--I made up that whole portion about the exam on my xanga just for YOU. Xanga has a little thing called a site meter. I have seen you coming around here for a while. It took me a while to figure out it was you-- but I did. I was waiting for you to make an appearance. Unfortunately, you chose facebook to "confess" your dirty little deed. Shame on you -- but imagine...that I wasn't surprised because once I figured out it was you - I implemented a little tactic system. I guess it worked, huh? FYI once again, since we had that class together and I knew that you (I could care less about M---that's why I didn't change anything when I thought it was only her reading), anyway, when I knew that you were reading and that was had the class together - you might notice my posts have been less frequent and quite off the wall about things pertaining to work and school. That was staged for you my darling. My REAL friends know what is going on with me at all times. I guess you would know about that -- if you had any friends. I guess that is why you have no social skills - your animals are your only friends.
Moving on yet again...
The BOOK. Oh yea, the SPANISH book that is wedged in your asshole. I just moved---you can check about that if you want---I am sure it is something I MAY have posted about since moving is not a private matter. If you want my new address though, you may have to dig a little deeper (i.e. -- not my xanga site). Anyway, I know it is around here somewhere and with everything going on -- which, by the way, I have no reason to lie about---I have not had the time to find it. Why would I sell it? Or give it away? I forgot Spanish books are such a hot item on the black market. Wow if that is the case----I sure can make a fortune! In April, we talked about it and I forgot. Ooooooooooops. I didn't realize it was going to be the end of the world. And you brought it up once in class and I don't recall discussing it again -- once again, I did not realize it was a life or death situation. Talk about lying --- oh J wants to take a spanish class. Funny.
You know the difference between you and me? I say things to people and I say them to their face or on the phone if face to face is not possible. You, on the other hand, act one way to someone's face and then say things (that are wrong and ridiculous) to people over the computer. How pathetic is THAT? So you know what I really could give a fabulous fuck less if you think I would be a "disgrace to the pharmacy field" because I think you are a disgrace to humanity. You are a stuck up (with no reason to be sweetheart), know it all (oh I mean don't know shit), scared little bitch. And from what I heard at GC -- what people told me themselves, not what I heard from word of mouth - no one liked you --- because of the fact that you think you are better than everyone and NEWSFLASH -- you are not. Your book will be in the mail soon---I DO have a lot going on and will get it to you as soon as I can. So---you can sleep better at night, my dear.
Oh and one last thing---when you wrote the intial hateful message on facebook -- I wanted to tell you to shove the book in your big ass mouth. But, then you never would have gotten the chance to send the message trying to "out do" me with all of your so called insights, now would you? Turns out - you were more wrong that you could have ever possibly imagined sweetheart. So you thought you were getting the last word by sending me the message and unadding me as a friend so I could not write back. Looks like I got the last laugh, huh? Believe me I wanted to unadd you and tell you off from the first day we sat in Aging---but this was so much more worth it.
Hasta luego - do you remember that from Spanish? Awww, you'll have your book back soon enough so you can refresh your memory. Or maybe J can help you study?

A few notes of interest (because I have more vested in this and you might not notice them)
-Um, how does "I say things to people and I say them to their face or on the phone if face to face is not possible" and "I wanted to tell Missy how I felt without really telling her" work? I'm confused.
-Did I ever say that Jeremy was taking a class? I'm confused where she got that one from.
-Did she really just say that her blog is a big conspiracy and staged for me? Why would she do that? It doesn't make sense. The first time I was ever rude to her in my "hateful" message on Facebook was on Oct 10th and until then there wasn't any visible hostility between us. So why would she start making things up when she started the class with me in August? And why would she have told me off the first day of class in August? I'm confused. I hadn't been to her site since 2 years ago until I googled her screenname well into September and Missy has never been to her site at all. Again, I'm confused.
-I am a stuck up, know it all. I don't tolerate stupid, lazy people and I work my rearend off to be more intelligent than the average bear. Now, the scared little bitch comment I take offense to. Granted, I SOMEIMES can't sit through horror movies without making excuses to do laundry in the middle of the night and MAYBE I'm not in the upper weight class for my height and weight but I'm not a bitch!
-And finally, I enjoyed most of the folks at GeriCare and liked being around them. So, if they secretly hated me.. ha!... the joke's on them cuz they made me feel loved.

Sadly, I have no friends. I must cancel seeing Lissa tomorrow and going out to dinner with the girls from school on Thursday and having Don over next week to watch the 4th Harry Potter movie. Instead, I would go and find 42 cats and be one of those ladies who lives in a litter box.

Here's her website: http://wwwDOTxangaDOTcom/pharmgirl02 Add the dots as needed. Just in case you're interested.

I just wanted my book back :(

Yesterday, i had my last two tests. I got to school and had this uneasy feeling that I forgot something.


And I had... I forgot to brush my hair! It was like a flashback to kindergarden. Granted, I had been up since 2 in the morning studying, but I'm a big girl. I should have done better.

And to make matters worse, I lost my ponytail holder:)

3 tests down and only 3 more to go. I think I did pretty well on the first three. My throat sort of hurts and I think I've been really thirsty lately, so studying all day isn't going to be too much fun.

Jeremy has been really sweet this block. he's been cooking alot more lately since he's been getting home at a decent hour and last night he made a really good meal. And yesterday morning he made me a really good breakfast. And i think he's going to make me breakfast this morning, so I'm excited.

I love him alot. he makes me smile.

I contacted my old Spanish professor and found out that they have a new edition out for my Spanish book. So, i looked on ebay and I can get the 6th edition for like 5 bucks. So, I think I'm just going to get that and put Miss Lindsey on my list of crazy people to avoid.

ah, the glory of drama....
So, in May of 2005, this girl that worked at GeriCare asked to borrow my Spanish book so she could use it to study for her test. I said sure since I had gotten done with my class at the end of April. In June, I asked for it back. She told me that she was taking Spanish 2 and wanted to know if she could use it for next year. I said ok.

Well, I sort of forgot about it until last April when Jeremy and I were talking about him needing to learn some Spanish for work and I thought "hey, I should get that book back." Well, the girl had gotten fired from Gericare because she never came in when she was scheduled. So I send her this little message on facebook in April:

hey Lindsey! I hope your semester went well. I was wondering if you are done with Spanish and could I maybe get my book back. Jeremy is wanted to learn some espanol for work reasons. Talk to you soon!

and she replies:

Hey ya. Just let me know your address and I can mail it to you :) How's pharm school? I miss you :)

and my reply:

pharmacy school is great... especially now that I'm done with finals. Are you not in Lexington anymore? I thought maybe we could meet for lunch or something. I wouldn't want you to have to pay to meal it. Did you get in anywhere for school? I'm super tried and just realized I typed meal instead of mail. I still haven't caught up with sleep from finals week. So, on that note, I will say goodnight and hit the sack. Hope to hear from you soon!
-Virginia

erased for crazy people reasons

Time passes. Then I get a note from her on June 19th, 2006

hey...I am going to mail out your book this week...I promise. BTW..what the hell is going on with Geri Care?

She was wanted to know what happened with GeriCare being sold out and everything.
And time passes.
School starts and randomly she's in my elective class for Biology of Aging, an undergraduate class. She walks into the classroom, sees me and immediately goes into this "OMG, I'm so sorry I haven't mailed your book!!" this was Aug 23rd.
Doesn't bring it to class on the 25th.
Doesn't show up for class on the 28th or 30th.
I send her a message asking if she is ok on Aug 30. She writes back:

yeahhhhhh. Andrew and I were moving on Monday and he fell off the ramp and cracked his knee cap. The dolly holding the TV fell on top of him. I've had to move the entire apt by myself and take care of him. I'll be back Friday.

So she finally comes on Friday (Sept 1st). Still doesn't bring my book and asks to borrow my notes for the days she missed.
Doesn't come to class Monday and Wednesday... I'm getting irritated cuz she has 8 pages of my notes. Get a note from her on Sept 6th:

Sorry about today. @ 3am Andrew woke up screaming. I mean his knee oh god it was so swollen you could not tell it was a knee. Took him to the ER and he had to have x rays, etc etc. Before, they thought he had cracked it. Nope, its shattered into two pieces. So much for the great Uk hospital. I just got home. Anyway, I will see you Friday and I will bring your notes to ya. Sorry I've had to miss already. Sigh. Also, still trying to find a lawyer. Know anyone?

Interestingly, she wrote that at 11, but they had just installed that new stalker feature on facebook and she had been on there since 8 in the morning messing around
She comes on Friday and gives me my notes. I make a mental note to never let her borrow anything again. Doesn't bring my book though.
Then I don't see or hear from her until I get this note from her on Sept 15th.

Mr. Lund knows what is going on but I wanted to let you know so you do not think I am a slacker. He doesn't know the whole story, just the bulk of it. Here it is:
I don't know if i have told you that my stomach hurts all day, everyday. I have to run to the bathroom and thus, I can only eat at home or near home. We have to go to the movies first because I cannot eat and go sit in a movie. I cannot do it. I'd say on a scale from 1-10, the daily pain is about a 6 or 7.
So anyway, back in Decemember I had a colonoscopy and an endoscope. The doctor said nothing was wrong and that we would try drug therapy. Problem is...he is in Louisville and it is not only hard for me to get there, but it is hard to get an appointment with him once a month. In fact it was impossible. Well, when I went in July to my followup appointment, he was like oh by the way did I tell you that to the naked eye your colon looked fine but on your biopsy the left colon came back and it was completely inflammed. Um...well NO YOU DIDN'T - you basically told me I was making the pain up! Dumbass. That would PROBABLY explain why I have had stretch marks on the left side of my body...came up out of nowwhere...and not a single stretch mark on the right side of my body. Hmmmm...
So anyway, I have not been back to him...in fact I have been looking for a new doctor in Lexington so that we can start back at square one. Well...Wed. night around 3am I woke up and the pain was so intense, I thought I was going to die. I am not kidding. My internal organs ached and felt swollen. I felt like if I moved they were going to burst! Andrew had to come over and try to help me out of bed. I couldn't do it. I moved and I felt like my whole body was going to rupture. He was like oh my GOD Lindsey look at your stomach. It was so swollen, I looked as if I was about to give birth. I am not kidding, I looked every bit of 9 months pregnant. He was like I am taking you to the hospital now! I started crying because I could not get up...much less get up and get into a car. He was like I am calling 911 and you are going to the hospital. I begged him not to. The pain was so bad, I did not want to be moved or touched. I told him it would pass and we just sat there on the bed talking the rest of the night about it.
So first thing Thursday morning, I could move but I could not fully stand up straight. It put too much pressure on my stomach. So I walked around like the Hunchback of Notre Dame and decided that a doctor was better than nothing and that there was no way I was going to get into a specialist and I did not want or have the money to pay $50 for a ER visit, so I went to the UTC. I got there and explained the situation to the doctor and he was very understanding. He told me to lie down and said he felt something hard on my left ovary. He seemed very concerned. I asked him what it could be and he said a number of things ranging from endometriosis to a tumor. He also asked if I had been out of the country. I told him I went to a resort in the Domincan Republic about 6-7 years ago. He said there is a parasite there that causes things like this and it takes about 6 years to show up. Good God.
So...he took so much blood I passed out. He said we are going to do every single test under the sun. I have an ultrasound on my belly scheduled for 2:45 today. I also am going to have a pelvic exam next week. OH and I also have to give a stool sample..lovely. I am going to have to do that today or tomorrow since they were kind enough to let me take it home.
God, what is this? Why didn't the other doctor look for things like this? Can they fix me?
I am so scared...so please pray that it is found and it is curable!

So... I don't really even know the chick that well and this was way too much information for. Anyway, I don't see her until the 25th, the class meeting before our test on the 27th. still didn't bring the book. Alas, the test date comes around and she doesn't show up! I start to figure that she's bailing on the class so I send her this the 27th:

are you ok? I didn't see you at the test.
The next time you come to class, could you bring that spanish book?

She replies back:

Ohhhhh boy. Well, I dropped the class. Tuesday I went and met with him and he is just a complete asshole. I was confused on a few things and he basically told me that if I didn't understand, I was screwed. He offered no explaination of it. He is just the worst teacher of all time so...I dropped the class. I have the Spanish book in my office somewhere ( I just moved a few weeks ago). I will find it in the next few days and bring it to you there. BTW how was the test?

Can I just say that this girl is an idiot? because earlier in her little facebook notes she wrote "OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO FAIL MY BIOLOGY OF AGING TEST. I MEANT TO GET UP AT 5AM AND START STUDYING AGAIN AND I OVERSLEPT. IT IS IN 2 HOURS. FUCK!"
Anyways... I think a few days means a few days..... and guess what? She doesn't bring the book by... so I finally got hostile and wrote on Oct 9th:

I would really like my book back. I asked for it in April and you did not mail it like you said you would and you had several chances to give it back to me during class and you didn't. I know that you are busy and stressed out and whatnot but you've had my Spanish book for almost two years and I'm getting tired of asking for it back. If you are embarassed about seeing Dr. Lund or something, I always sitting outside the classroom 30 minutes before class starts at 11.

she writes back:

Jesus Christ. It has nothing to do with Dr. Lund. I forgot to mail it. I just moved and have not had time to go through my boxes and find it. My grandmother just died and my cousin's husband killled him self. I have been a tad stressed out and I am sorry but with everything else going on it has not been number one on my to do list. You will not have to ask for it back again. I will try to find it this weekend. I did not realize it was bothering you that much...but I guess it is.

and my reply:

I am bothered by it. Crap happens all the... people get sick, they die, tests come and go. But that still doesn't justify saying you'll do something and not doing it. If that were the case, everyone who had a sucky day would never be held accountable for what they did or didn't do.
Regardless, whenever things settle down for you, I would like my book back.

and I get a "fine. Thanks for your compassion" a few minutes ago.
WHAT IN THE WORLD!!????! I want to be like "you stupid idiot... shit happens, get over it!!!! my sister-in-law was murdered and my grandmother died too and I didn't f*ing make the whole world stop for me. If you're so sick you can't even move... call an ambulance and go to the hospital!!!! just because your boyfriend is bedridden or whatnot doesn't mean you have to miss over a month's worth of classes! and because you decided to go to a bridal shower and didn't study at all for your test doesn't mean I'm going to sit there and grin and say "yeah, our teacher is an asshole isn't he for not helping you get ready for the test after you only came to THREE classes." GET OVER IT AND GIVE ME MY BOOK BACK!!!

Missy got a haircut and ribbons on her ears.

Yesterday was the frist day of Fall break and I spent it at the library. I got there at 9 and studied straight through until 3. I didn't know how hard it was on me until I got home and took a nap at 5. Come to find out I was really tired because I didn't wake up until 7:30 this morning!

I'm going to get to studying again in a little bit. I have to do it at home because of the stupid football game and nowhere to park instead of at the library, so I am sure I will be getting plenty distracted today.

Jeremy's old boss' grandmother passed away and they called in an emergency favor yesterday when he was up in Cinci working. He's working in banquets this morning as a supervisor. It was really funny because yesterday morning he was talking about how the one thing that he missed (besides the free food) was being able to deal with the out of state football teams. And what do you know.... he gets a call from banquets saying they need him to come deal with the football team this morning. All I've got to say that Jeremy is the most expensive temp working that they'll ever have to pay...

back to studyign. have a good weekend everyone!

This is the part of the picture that was adorable. You couldn't really see it that well on the other.

I took 91 pictures at the zoo with my digital camera but I'm only going to make you look at one. It's adorable.