Thankful for showers and baths and the couch and co sleeping and food besides green beans and mashed potatoes and my bed .

My children will likely think I'm crazy because i am always sniffing them.  It's evolution, you know it?  All the kids who smelled like crack were cuddled and loved.  And the kids who didn't were given a little less attention, and likely didn't make it to adulthood.  End result? Survival of the smell good babies?

So very tired. Beckett really likes to nurse every hour or so during the dY... I guess it is good that he doesn't do it during the night.  It's hard on me though because even when he is spitting up and I know he just needs to settle his stomach for 20 minutes or so, he is upset and wants to nurse for comfortable.  I can't get him to take a pacifier from me anymore...only Jeremy can.  It's like he knows I have to boobs and he isn't going to tolerate anything else.


The boys got haircuts today.  Wyatt's hair is really short.  It's a little sad.  I didn't intend for her to cut it that short, but I guess becuEe his hair is so fine, it is Ella the only hair cut that would work. Bye looks like such a little boy.  I can't believe he is going to b two soon.  He seems so much older because he talks so well and is SO smart.

Liam's allergies have been acting up.  Lots of coughing and his skin is pretty bad.  I wish we could get his skin under control.

Very busy past 24 hours.... Easter egg hunt, dying eggs and cupcakes, quality time with cousins.



Hair cuts for the dogs, garden ready to be planted, library books, Jeremy has to go back to work on Monday. Pumping and freezing at least 6 ounces a day.

Beckett's head smells like crack.

so, even though Liam has been potty trained for the past 6 months or so, he still has been sleeping in a diaper at night.  he is extremely hard to wake up, so us waking him up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom didn't seem like it was going to work, so we have been sorta of waiting to see what the next step would be.  All the parents that I talked to just said "oh, they just started waking up with dry diapers."  Which, Liam has maybe done this once or twice.

So anyway, this past week, he has gotten up on his own and went to the bathroom in the middle of the night!  we are so proud of him.  it's like we didn't even have to do anything.... we of course have said, hey Liam, if you have to go potty, just call us and we will come help you.  But he has gotten up on his own and gone.  The only reason we even know about it is because he shuts the bedroom door behind him and I am a very light sleeper and I hear it.

179.8 pounds this morning. I cant remember The last time I was in the 170s.

Beckett had another check up today since he was discharged from the hospital so early. He had gained his birth weight back, minus an ounce.    I attempted Jillian michaels shred it in 30, but did basically the arm stuff and I was still short of breath.   Considering today is the first day I've been able to roll over in bed without pain, I have to take it slow.  Which is okay, because I know even the tiniest little bit helps since I'm so not conditioned. I wish it would not be cold this week so Beckett and I could go for some mini walks around the neighborhood.

Night time has been really good. We have been safe cosleeping, and for some reason I can sleep fine with him touching me. The other boys I did not get restful sleep at all if they were on me. I think tbe fact that my hips were in such bad shape was a good thing because I couldbt roll over if I wanted to.

Sweet boys

Okay--- weight gain as of beckett's birthday.  66 pounds- weight lost at 1 week. 25 pounds. 41 more pounds to go.   Looking to reach my goal by jan 1st. And, go!

Beckett Ellery Fields is here. He is a pretty sweet boy. Liam is really sweet with him and Wyatt. Doesn't really know what to think.

Delivery was good except for the pushing, and that was just horrible. Dr Steele was out of town and the provider who delivered told me to push when I wasn't having contractions... And told me to push even though I didn't feel the need to. And I was completely freaking out. It only lasted 5 minutes but it was the kind of five minutes seen In the movies. Me screaming hysterically, no one giving me directions. At one point I screamed for someone to tell me to breathe because I was aware I was freaking the hell out. I tore really badly. I am unsure how this outcome would have changed if I was more incontrol of the situation or if Beckett had been a little smaller.  It should have been a calmer 10 minutes, not a frantic terrifying 5 minutes.

Top it off, Jeremy almost passed out when he saw my tear. They didn't have ice packs. I never did get a stiz bath. My vegetarian breakfast was apparently the most complactated thing in the world. Pluses.. I didn't have to have a hep lock. My blood pressure was great. We got to get discharged when Wyatt was 24 hours old.  My milk is in. Last night wasn't too bad at home sleeping... I was able to do most of it. I had a stiz bath an home from the other boys.

So, on Saturday night, we had a nurse from Europe. She came in to check on us and basically said she was completely freaked out that every single room on our floor had the game on- five of us had delivered within 40 minutes of each other at 2 pm that day. She didn't understand bAsketball culture in ky in which being postpartum 7 hours doesn't justify not watching a game.

FOREVER

this is how long I am going to be pregnant.

It amazes me what women who have been pregnant or men who have had pregnant wives find appropriate to say to me.  Especially when the only way I can possibly interpret their comments is flat out mean or a joke at my expense.

"You look miserable." Thank you?
"You are about ready to pop." Okay...
"Omg, look at your belly button!" No, don't look at my belly button.
:person starts to waddle when they pass me walking: yes, asshole, by hips are killing me. Thank you for mocking me.

Also, don't freaking ask me when my last day is 100 times. I don't have a planned c section, I don't have a planned induction, I really have no say when the baby decides to come. And no, I don't give a flying flip that you think I shouldn't be coming into work and I should be sitting at home waiting. I have 12 weeks to be at home with the baby, and I don't want to waste them. I'm pregnant, not disabled. I can still do my job, and if I take off now, that means I'm not going to be paid later. That's stupid.

I just want people to leave me alone.  I know most of them have good intentions, but I am so sick of having the same conversation with 30 different people every single day.  I am uncomfortable. I don't know when I will got into labor. Yes, I've had sex with my husband. No, I'm not having contractions. Yes, I no longer want to be pregnant. Yes, the end is in sight. What did the doctor say? Pretty much, I'm still pregnant.

I had to tell two people to drop touching my stomach.  One got really offended, and the other was shocked and asked why... Um, does a 10 month pregnant woman really have to say why she doesn't want to be touched? If I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't want to be randomly touched, so why do people think it's okay to do it when you are super uncomfortable?