Liam's other lower tooth is loose.  So hopefully he won't swallow that one.
had a pretty good weekend.  I needed a good weekend.  Sometimes it is really hard to be a parent.  I am very thankful for Jeremy.  Thankful that even though it is super cold, I have my arsenal of layers to work with.

Although, i'm pretty sure that having the heat running all the time makes me a little nauseated.  Like in the car and if I'm sitting near the vent.  I've tried to tell Jeremy I think we are dying from carbon monoxide, but he calls me crazy

In a few days it will be Winter Solstice and then the days will start being longer!!!

have a bunch of little knitnats and candies to wrap up the boys for chistmas.  might have gone over board on the candy. We still haven't gotten through all of Halloween;s stuff.

Wyatt is so cute.  I went to cuddle with him on the couch and then he got up to get a drink of water and Liam came and got on me to cuddle.  When Wyatt came back he said "Liam took my spot!" and then he said "actually, YOU took my spot!"  It was super funny.

Beckett is so blond.  I almost wonder if the shampoo we are using is bleaching out his hair.  You can tell where his roots are growing darker and then they go almost white towards the ends.  It's just Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo and we don't use it every day, so maybe's it's just him.

Long time, no posts. 
Liam lost his first tooth.  And swallowed in. And now is sad because he hasn't pooped.  Not that we will be getting it out of his poop anyways.


Time seems to be flying.  The months go by really fast at work.  \

I can't wait for it to be warm again.

I think I am going to ask Jeremy if I can walk down at Thoroughbred park in the morning and play Pokémon Go.  I did a million loads of laundry today and two loads of dishes and visited with a friend and took a nap, and he went running at Todds road and installed some speakers into the minivan.

Tomorrow afternoon we are going to a girls basketball game at Rupp.  It should be fun for the boys. I haven't decided if I'm going to go or stay home with Beckett.  I think he might be okay going, so we shall see.

It's been a rough few days.  I was a complete wreck all day Tuesday.  My stomach hurt with worry.  I ended up going to bed and waking up at 11:30 for the rest of it. and sobbed in bed.  No matter how much I'm hurting, I was crying for everyone else who is so much more scared.

maybe it an act.  Maybe he knew what to say to get the silent white vote. Maybe he will veto the horrible things he suggested and his party will push through.  maybe he is actually sane.



I had to talk to Liam about him- he was asking questions because they talked about at school, and some of the other kindergartens had said the he needed to win because she did horrible things.  I couldn't say anything nice. I tried.  I had to explain to him about  how racism is bad, and homophobia is bad, and xenophobia and touching a woman who doesn't want to be touched is bad.  Too many things for a 6 year old to comprehend and a horrible thing for me to have to tell my kindergartener why mommy and daddy are so upset.  I want my kids to respect the President.  but not someone has no redeeming qualities, that is a mockery to humankind, and we make the values of our nation step back 100 years.

very busy couple of weeks.  went downtown to the Day of the Dead festivities and it was a lot of fun. It is so strange how some things can run so smoothly and other things it is like a complete nightmare just driving there.

My head is hurting and I'm really tired, and I'm thinking I'm just going to go to bed.  It is the last night that Pokémon Go has it were you don't have to walk as far for candies for your buddy, but I'm too tired to go out and even walk a mile.

I hope that I sleep well

It was the last day of Monday nights at the horse park and I'm really going to miss it---- at least until next May.  I put a pokemon in every gym- maybe they will last until next year!

sometimes, I would have a really bad day at work and I would call my mom on the way to walking to my car, and I would say "hey mom, how's it going? just checking in? how are you doing? good?  I had a really bad day at work...." and she would start talking--- usually about the things she has already told me about.  and I would listen. a few times I would try to steer the conversation back to me in the hopes of some comfortable or advice in the situation I was facing, but it never worked.

I would love to listen to my mom talk about herself one more time.

wonderful weekend, mostly:)

Yesterday was wonderful.  my boys are so stinking cute.  I'm thankful that they are who they are Beckett knows how to work people that's for sure.  I adore them.

sometimes I worry about who they will grow up into. Being around them yesterday made me not worry about the little men that we are raising.

it's starting to get cold (or at least Jeremy told em that I would need to wear a jacket tomorrow).  That makes me sad.  But, if you think about it, winter comes and goes, just like summer time.

Jeremy is talking about getting a projector to aid to our Halloween decorations this year. hopefully it won't go overboard.  what he is describing seems pretty complicated.

sometimes I just see my mom's handwriting, and it is just so sad.

I talked to the Director at Wyatt's new daycare today.  I am so thankful that he is doing better. it was just a phase I guess.  A horrible one, but just a phase. 

we went to Monday night horsepark.  Liam and beckett were amazingly patient while I tried to get my pokemon into a gym.  took longer than I thought, but I got my 10 coins!

I have been working out a lot. I think I am going to run in the bourbon chase. if thye can't find another runner.  which they won't be able to find another runner. So, I've been running in the mornings and then trying to do my other workout in the evening. My legs are fried tonight.  looking forward to going to be soon, because I'm getting up at 4:45 tomorrow to run again.

Just press play!

Don't you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me. I say you're holding back, she says shut up and dance with me. This woman is my destiny, she said 'wooohooo" shut up and dance with me.

May the boys always have happy memories of us riding in the car and screaming that song at the top of our lungs

just press play-  that's going to be my new moto in life.

Press play with your children. Press play when you got work to get it done.  Just press play with your workouts.  Just press play when you decide to run in the bourbon chase.

Good weekend- today we went to the woodland art fair, to the pool -first time without me or Jeremy getting in the pool- thankfully the boys are comfortable enough to get in with floaties and be fine.

Icecream for lunch and then back for naps and then an epic sidewalk chalk evening.

still very well with Wyatt. So thankful. 

I got a new bench for my workout area for lifting weights.  It Is AWESOME. 

Beckett is scared of the thunder and it is beyond cute.  He climbed into my lap and says "mama, skerd! mama, skerd!"

Wyatt is going to be okay.  Every day that passes he does okay at daycare.  Hopefully I will stop dreading every time I get a texted or a phone call, worrying that it will be something bad.

Liam goes to kindergarten tomorrow.  his first day! so exciting.

well, wyatt was kicked out of daycare.  Which apparently means all the boys were kicked out of daycare, which we were informed of on Monday afternoon.  To say it was traumatic would be putting it mildly.

Liam is fine, although he misses his friends.  beckett is upset in general, and Wyatt is just even more confused. Because he's 4, he doesn't understand why he will never see his friends again. or his teachers.

Beckett has been doing fine though--- has been carrying around his blanket at daycare, but he's OCD in general about material things, so even if he wasn't upset he might be carrying them around. Liam and wyatt are in the same room at their new daycare, which I think is a good thing. Will be a test to find out what happens when Liam goes to kindergarden in a few weeks.

we are trying to find a psychologist for wyatt.  It's easier said than done. Surprise surprise, no one takes on patients that young. Because he's 4, and because people that around 4 year olds have to teach them acceptable behaviors and create boundaries.  Rather than kicking them out of their 2nd home without so much as a goodbye.

still doing the news freeze and I really feel a lot better.  spending a lot more time with the boys.  we danced in the rain today.  Wyatt is having a hard time at daycare, so much that they may tell us he can't come back- he has behaviors there that he doesn't have at home, and it is really frustrating trying to punish him at home for things he does there.

So, we aren't going to.  We are going to love him and give him lots of attention and work with him on using his words when he is angry or upset.  Today he said that he misses Grandma Jolley, who I haven't really talked about too much recently--- and Maybe is also getting close to being gone. Maybe he is just acting out because of that.

no punishment anymore on our end for things- he still isn't able to watch TV or ipad but that is because I read that it can increase acting out behavior.  no being sent to his room, no more taking away toys or dessert or the swing set or his vitamin at night (seriously, we were running out of things to take away from him).  If he gets kicked out of daycare, it will be okay.  we will still love him and we will still work with him managing his emotions and using words, although going back to the behaviors at daycare he doesn't have at home- he doesn't throw tanturms, he doesn't hit us or his brothers.  so we can just talk to him ways to handle abstract problems that we are told about at daycare.

the director gave me pamplets today about taking him to a child counselor.  I am trying not to be defensive, but seriously? he's 4, and only shows these behaviors at daycare and it's only for the past week? or it's been longer and they haven't told us about it?  I'm not a child psychologist or anything, but I'm pretty sure it's something they are missing the ball on--- either not intervening when they should or picking battles that don't need to be fought.  But then I also read something about how if a kid sees parents being bossy, then they will be bossy with their friends--- and I guess I'm bossy because we are very much "stop acting like a crazy person" whenever they are acting like crazy people and they stop.  Which is maybe why we don't see those behaviors at home. 

so we toured another daycare today.  I don't know... we have been gone there for ever and the boys love the teachers and if we move one, we have to move them all. But not really liam because he is going to kindergarden

tonight we giggled a bunch and he went to bed feeling loved, which I'm not sure he has felt that way that other nights this week since we've lectured him non stop about being a good boy.

I've decided to go on a news freeze for a week. I just can't stand it.  I read too many horrible things, too many horrible opinions.  My mindset is horrible. everything is just horrible.

Liam is obsessed with Queen now. it is really cute--- he will just randomly bust out with "we are the champions" at the top of his lungs.

we are going to the Bluegrass fair- it opens tomorrow..

I still have a quarter of a mile to go in order to get to 5 miles.  I was so busy at work, I couldn't get up to go on my two mini walks like a usually do.

Wyatt jumped into the pool for the first time today and of course realized he loved it.  and beckett went down the little kid slide today and realized he loved.  they are getting so big.  I am so proud of them.  when we started this summer, wyatt wouldn't let me let go off him.  now look at him.

I'm burnt. Not all the way, I think it is actually tan, but I feel a lot tighter on my shoulders. I lathered me self up at the pool, but I used sun block from last year. Hopefully I won't wake up miserable.

We have caught 5 shrews in the basement. Who knew they were even down there- I just happen to see one dart into the wall when I was working out on night- didn't even really know what it was. But two mouse traps from Lowes and five dead shrewd, I'm wondering if there is n entire freaking colony living in our basement.

Last night I got woke up by a woman screaming- it was like a 3Am- it was somewhere behind the house- I ran out side and yelled if everything was okay- she cries to call 911- I ran back in to tell Jeremy and to put shorts on, the ran down to the basement to get a lantern then out the backyard through the gate- and she was gone. I never saw her and didn't even know what she looked like- I want back in- Jeremy was freaking out that I ran outside to help, and I just said if it was me screaming for help, you would want someone to come running to me, even if 3 in the morning in the dart- we called 911, and the police showed up 10 minutes later- didn't have much to tell them since she was gone- I'm not sure if she drove off or went into a house or what, but she was for sure hysterical and I was worried she did like a hit and run and someone was hurt- the police didn't find anything I guess because they never came back- made for a very dramatizing night.

I hope she is only. I did all I could- I didn't freak out and the time between me running outside and me going back out must have only been 45 secs- I don't know what happened in that 45 secs- maybe she left for the hospital.

I got up I the morning and checked outside in the daylight- I didn't see anything- then went wild blackberry picking- totally the risks outweighs the benefits- wild berries are very small and the thorns are oh so sharp. I had boots jeans long sleeve shirts and two pairs of exam globes on. I was still hurting every time I reached in- you got a bunch of berries- might as well make it worth my while.

Ever since my mom has died, I'm like on this higher plane of anxiety. The good thing is that I'm aware of it. That I can talk myself down usually- breathing deep and forcing myself to go on walks even if I don't want to. But it's tiring. And then the things going on in the world- things I can't change- veterans dying of OD, men getting murdered for broken tail lights- I will never lose sleep worrying about my boys being killed by the police, but there are hundred of other mothers that have to.  I don't want to be living in this time- I want things to just be sane right now- I want everyone to not be judged - for their religion or their race or their sexuality- I just want it to be decided that we will all just be and live our lives. But not happening- because there are horrible people in the world- that have always been there, but they were muted. Now there are horrible people on public platforms that bring them out of the wood work and now I have be slapped in the face with it instead of my peaceful denial.

we went to the rodeo tonight which I can only describe as disturbingly fun.

I guess I need to write a blog post since it has been a while.  I have had a lot on my mind.

-it is really hard to get the boys to bed, especially Wyatt. we do bath time usually at 7:30 and try to get them into bed at 8pm, but usually its more like 8:10 or 8:15.  Liam usually falls asleep right away and so does beckett, but wyatt will sometimes stay up in his bed until like 9:30.  And then we have to drag them out of bed on work days at like 6:05. I keep thinking that if we play really hard or by the end of the week Wyatt will get tired out, but it never happens.

-we have been going to the pool a lot- we got a season pool pass for all the city pools and I really wanted to get our money's worth. I think we've already done that just because we've gone so much. I really think the boys getting comfortable is more important than actual swim lessons at this point, so I really just want them to play. They are doing so well, especially Liam.  I have to be careful with Beckett though because he is too big for his own britches and just assumes I will always be right beside him to lift him up if he falls down.  Liam can swim under water (with googles on) and has new diving rings to play with

-I have a really hard time forgiving people.  Like, if someone has wronged me or I've lost respect for them, i'm like "what's the point in putting any more energy in?"  I have having three conflicts right now with people and wears on me.  A part of me just wants to say "leave me alone, and move on with your life and stop touching mine." and another part of me says "what's wrong with you? you are in conflict with three people. that's the sign of a psychopath."  So, I'll just keep going on and hope that time will clarify things. I need to think about what my expectations are. do I want them to be a good worker? a decent person? a considerate person? am I wanting too much?

-I really love working out. I wish I could instill my love for it in other people. I'm thankful that Jeremy likes to run.  I might not be able to get him to my videos, but he knows the value of being fit, and the boys are seeing that.  if I had a magic wand, I would sprinkle fairy dust on everyone and say "may you always find happiness in physical activity, even if it doesn't result in weight loss or a winner of a race or a 6 pack or a pull up. Just happiness in moving your body.

-I wonder if people living during the civil rights movement felt like this- this sense of bewilderment that is 2016 and we are still having these arguments.  that I won't be able to take the boys to the Pride Festival because I'm scared of what they might hear or see, not from the people participating but the people protesting. I can talk myself blue about love is love and boys can love boys and girls can love girls and a boy can feel like a girl and that's okay, and the importance of never making someone feel bad about who they are. and then you see horrible things on Facebook or the news and you wonder how in the world will it ever be okay.  and you wonder if  the bewilderment you feel is felt by the other side of the argument, but they truly think they are right even though they are so so wrong.  50 years from now, what will we say?

-I want to go on the 48 state road trip.  I think if you had six weeks of leave in the bank, you could do it, if you accumulated  leave during those weeks and you left on a weekend and came back on a weekend- one state a day-- maybe little less in some states so you can spend longer in CA.  when Beckett is like 8 or 9, I want to do it.

-beckett has a stuffed animal that is in lovey- "my doggie". I think it was one of Liam's first stuffed animals but no one else loved on it.  but now Beckett has it.

Liam is going to start kindergarden on Aug 10.

allergies and I am miserable.  I know that it should be on the down hill next week, but today has just been horrible.  I have so much antihistamine in me, it's a surprise I can even open my eyes with them being so dry.  And I am still miserable. it's like I haven't taken anything at all.  I need to start doing allergy shots or something.

My sister found where my mom had kept every single card I hard ever sent her.  Ever. Because she's my mom.

I really missed my mom on Wyatt's birthday. So many mile stones to miss.

I was worried about forgetting moments, but they are all still very clear.  I wish she were still here.

I killed it doing plyometric push ups tonight. I have gone months not being able to do them. Just struggling to get through the time, trying to go through the movements. Then a few weeks ago, I was like eh, I'm almost doing them. Then tonight when i did them, I felt like a fracking trapeze artist flying through the air. I am super proud of myself.

Went to Keeneland today for Family Fun Day- the boys got their face painted- Jeremy wanted to get their extra early to get in line-  We always tell them the line is too long and we never do it, so we did it today.  By the time we made it to the grandstands, I wasn't feeling well.  I had driven separately from the boys because I was going to go to Louisville afterwards to spend time with Dad.  But, I had a slitting headache, and beckett knocked over my water and when some woman turned around and asked for two of our five seats, I was like eff it, I'm leaving.  Seriously lady, we're a family of five, even if three of them are wandering around like crazy people.  That doesn't mean that you can claim our seats.  I took Beckett and headed back to the car, but not without getting harassed by at least three drunk people. Apparently it is hysterically funny to have a double stroller but only one child in it. Seriously?

Anyways, but the time I made it to the car, I was pretty sure I was going to yak. I made it home okay- Beckett crashed as soon as I strapped him in. Tylenol didn't do anything for my headache, but I was able to sleep for a bit (Jeremy ended up getting home about 30 minutes after me).  when I woke up, still had a splitting headache, so I took Sudafed, which helped a lot.  I think it might have just been allergies, although I wasn't itchy or leaking snot like usually allergy symptoms.  Maybe it was a migraine.

Boys had fun playing outside while I was napping, and then again after I got up.  No one got burnt today.

Today was a really good day after I got home from work. Played outside with the boys and it was so nice.  Work was horrible because of stolen postal packages.

I would like to go do my workout, but my right butt cheek keeps cramping, at least for the past 30 minutes of so.  If my fit bit says I've been active for 30 minutes today already, I may just wait until tomorrow and do a double workout.

I've lost about 5 pounds since Mom passed away, and it was not intended. I'm actually below the weight that I'm most comfortable out, and it's a little awkward- a few people at work have commented on it, that I look skinner, and it's sorta like "yeah, that's what happens...."  I don't know---  when you gain 5 pounds people don't comment on it, but when I lose 5 pounds because my mom passed away, it's free territory.  it's just weird. I plan on trying to gain it back, but I'm not going to run out and stuff my face full of cheesecake to do it.  My BMI is still over 21.... it's like I want to tell people to give me a break-   and I know they are just expressing concern.  I guess it's just part of the journey.

It was a really sad day. I went back through Jeremy's Facebook page. My mom liked almost everything.  Her little stamp of "I'm here, I'm watching, I love you".  She just liked things in March. Just last month. It won't be last month soon. Soon it will be years and decades and I won't be able to scroll back to see her likes.

No more stamps. That's devastating right? because when I sit and think about it, it feels like the end of the world. She had so much she wanted to still do. So many more likes.

I miss her

I have this theory about grief. It's very isolating.  Like, people can say, let me know what I can do for you. and I'm here to support you.  But it's this journey you have to take- of memories and love and anger and sadness. You can't stop it or modify it-  it's sorta like this movie that you have to sit and watch and wander when it's going to end.

Friday I spent the entire day crying.  At one point during my workout, I was sobbing. I kept thinking- what am I going to do without her? like, how are days suppose to pass when she isn't here. who is going to watch the boys grow? who is going to give ridiculously horrible Christmas presents, and adore the equally crappy presents I give them?

Saturday was okay- spent it going through stuff in Louisville. But Sunday, I spent the whole day angry.  Angry that people aren't who they claim to be. Angry that after being a daughter-in-law for 13 years, all I get is a condolence text, and excuse about a non-refundable weekend trip.  Angry about all the times that I'm ignore other people's grief. Angry about all the times when I wanted to ignore other people's grief, but I was sucked in.

I have lost my grandparents, but I wasn't very close with them, and for my mother's parents, I didn't even really like them.  Even from a young age, I could tell they were manipulative and at times hateful, and I had little tolerance for them.  For my father's parents, we saw them at holidays, but I didn't spend an ordinate about of time with them. So, when I lost them, it was sad, but I did not experience grief. I remember when my grandmother died when I was a freshman in college, one the girls from my dorm got me a card, and I thought it was such a particular gesture.  I know realize that likely her relationship with her grandmother was a lot stronger than mine.  I felt more sadness for my father when my grandmother and grandfather died, because I saw the pain he was having.

I did experience grief when Jeremy's sister died. and anger.  I did not know her well, and the interactions I had with her weren't pleasant.  But my grief came from his family's grief- the unjusticeness of a life lost and wasted, the horribleness of a crime, the loss of a sister and daughter before she even died- it was devastating. I actually lost my closest friend in pharmacy school because of her death- it was days after her passing, but the heartache that I could not shake like a fist around my heart-- it caused me to hide in the bathroom between classes and squeeze out horrible tears, so I would come back to class with something obviously amiss.  My friend turned to me and said "what is even wrong with you? she was just a druggie"- and then we stopped being friends- in that instance.  I never spoke to him again.  I still don't even think he understands why- several times he approached me and tried to talk to me--- but it was one of those things--- someone who I considered my closest friend at pharmacy school-- I was literally drowning in grief, and he couldn't sense it or sympathize with it- what is the benefit in being friends with someone like that? I realized that the extent of our friendship was being study buddies, and the hours we had spent together meant nothing. and I was done.

So, here is my 2nd round of grief in my life. Maybe I'll be lucky and kick the bucket before Jeremy and before any of the boys.  But I still have my dad- and I've gotten exponentially closer to the old fart since mom died, so that's not going to be any fun. My grandpa lasted until he was 95- hopefully I will have another 30 years to enjoy my father.

Wyatt's birthday is April 29th.

I think I've gone to Louisville more times in the past three weeks than I have in the past 3 years combined.

Went back today to help my dad and sister clean up some things.  My mom had a lot of stuff. Like a lot.

-cards
-fingernail clippers
-rosaries
-pencils/pens

I only cried 4 times today? Although the day isn't over...

Liam had his first soccer practice today.  I wasn't able to watch him much because I was with Wyatt and some with Beckett. Even though it was chilly, it was still beautiful out.

Afterwards, we went to Orange Leaf for icecream to celebrate Beckett's birthday today. Two years old.  Very determine- wants things his own way, even if he changes his mind 20 times in the span of a minute.  Has a jealous streak, and loves his daddy. Unless he's mad at his daddy because he put cereal in a cup, rather than a bowl, and then rather than a baggie.  Then he's a mama's boy.

I keep thinking that as the hours and the days go by, it will get easier. but not yet.  Still very oppressive.  I remember when Jeremy's sister passed away, I would lay awake at night just crippled, and wish that it was  a year from now. Because a year from now it would have to be better.

But I can't wish it to be a year from now.  this grief is a part of the journey- it would be unfair to my mom to wish it away- it would be unfair to the boys to wish away a year of their lives. I can't just go back to the old comfortable routine- wake, get ready, to daycare, to work, call mom, to daycare, to home to play, to workout, to bedtime, to relax, to sleep and then repeat.  Because this grief of my mother is here- in every second, in every thought, in every movement, in every breath, in every tear.

I feel guilty for the all the times that I let my routine give me an excuse to not think of my mother, or go and visit, or not send a text.

I am thankful for my sister Rebecca- I am thankful that she know my heart. I am thankful for my father. I am thankful for the boys and Jeremy, and my pharmacy family.

To all my friends, I lost my mother.  Below is the arrangements. 

Sandra “Sandy” Jolley, 65, of Louisville, KY passed away Tuesday, March 29, 2016 with her family by her side.

Sandy was a retired Librarian assistant at JCPS, a member of Eastern Star and a member of St. Rita Catholic Church.

Left to cherish her memory is her husband of 47 yrs. John Jolley, three daughters; Christy Shaw (Larry), Rebecca Bartlett (Greg), Virginia Fields (Jeremy), and eight grandchildren.

A Funeral service to celebrate the life of Sandy will be held Saturday, April 2, 2016 at 12pm in the chapel of Arch L. Heady & Son Funeral Home, 8519 Preston Hwy. Louisville, KY 40219 with burial to follow at Louisville Memorial Gardens West. Visitation will be held Friday from 2-8pm at the funeral home.

Expressions of sympathy may be made to Masonic Homes of Kentucky or St. Rita Catholic Church. Please visit our website www.archlheadypreston.com to leave your online condolences for the family.

My mom is unable to do dialysis without her heart stopping. She has been coded 4 times in the last week. Every time, she has come back weaker. But remains just as stubborn. We have asked if she just wants to do comfort care and she refused. She said she wanted to do dialysis even it meant she would die when they tried to rescuitate her. So, we went through with the most gentlest dialysis available.  Her lungs are filling with fluids so they were unable to wait until morning and had to do it tonight . And she crashed after 35 minutes.  They were able to revive her but now we are at a hard stop. She can't get dialysis because of her heart, but she refuses to accept this is the end. So, here we are... Crying and laughing and telling stories and making sure she is comfortable (she is mostly sleeping, waking up to make sure she has her cell phone in her hand and the nurse's call button).  And here we will stay. And wait. And cry.

My mom is very sick and won't be leaving the hospital.  This will be the hardest week of my entire life.  Although my mom can be extremely frustrating, she has always been my biggest fan and support, and a constant presence of love and support. This is a difficult walk to take.

went to a pop up boutique tonight.  It was a lot of fun.  The boys had fun, although Beckett stayed home with Jeremy.

I'm super tired.  Glad that I got all my steps in for fitbit because my bed is calling. 

I need to take some allergy medicine and hit the sack.  It's really annoying it's 40 degrees out and still have to deal with spring time allergies.  my nose is so itchy.

I wish that my mom was out of the hospital.  It must be so frustrating for her. One step forward and 10 steps back.  day by day.

Raising children is really hard.  Some days I literally go to bed hoping that I'm not raising insane people.  But, this week has been pretty good. Lots of quality time playing with the boys outside.  So thankful for warm weather. Not so thankful for allergies.  Just gotta make it until the end of May.  Which seems so far away.

Liam is going to start soccer.  I'm not sure when, because the YMCA sorta sucks about communicating.  Seriously, if your job is to do children's sports, shouldn't you let people know when the practice starts. 

yesterday was much better, and so was today.  Liam was very sweet about wishing my happy Birthday multiple times.  And Jeremy got me a fit bit which may be the most awesomest thing ever.
Ready for the weekend, although this week went by really fast

man, there is nothing as nerve racking as the whining of a three year old.  Except maybe a 1 year old.  or a five year old.

I have had a really long horrible day. sometimes, people suck at life.

I can't find my phone---/ I love you mom! Thoughts are with you, as always.

what I wouldn't give for a warm summer's day.  We are in the middle of an electronic break, which makes being stuck inside pretty hard.

I'm glad that Walking Dead is back on.  I really like that show and considering that an my 600 pound life is the only thing I watch, I don't get to look forward to TV year round.

Liam had basketball practice tonight, so Jeremy took him and Beckett and I hung out with Wyatt.  they are such sweet boys.   thankful for this nice weather- I don't remember winters ever being like this, so it's nice to have good weather when you have little kids that need it. I guess before I had kids I didn't care one way or another since I personally didn't got out to play in 60 degree weather.  But kids totally do.

can I just say how cute Beckett is?  He'll be sitting on your lap, or just walking across the room, and all of the sudden he will start rocking back and worth.  The first few times I thought he was having a seizure or something, then I realized that whenever any kind of beat comes on (like a jingle on tv) he starts dancing.  it is so adorable.

like, you're heart swells and almost bursts adorable.

blah... got dressed for my workout, made it down stairs, started the first 5 secs and then said forget it.  I feel really nauseated.  It's been on and off like that for a few weeks, the same with Jeremy.  I would think carbon monoxide poisoning, but we just got a new high tech detector, and it's not that.

I think I might be allergic to soemthign that I'm eating, just can't put a finger on it. 

I did shovel the driveway, so that counts as a workout. maybe.

tomorrow  is another day.]

Jeremy took Liam and Wyatt to Shriners to sled.  they had a lot of fun.  Maybe next year we can all go as a family.  We spent a ton of money of sleds, but thankful that we have them.  the boys are going to have lots of fun memories going up.  I told Liam today that when he got older, he was going to have to take his girlfriend or boyfriend sledding as a date, and he acted extremely confused.

stove is here. haven't cooked anything on it yet, but eggs, bacon and potatoes tomorrow for breakfast, so it will get broken in tomorrow.

Still haven't figured out what we are going to do for a microwave--- we replacement the microwave over the stove with a range that Jeremy vented to the outside (he's very proud that he cut a hole in the side of the house by himself and it wasn't a complete disaster).

We could have a small kitchen top microwave, but I feel like the space on our counter is already limited.  we could put in the laundry room.  currently, the microwave is the basement  on a fold out table.

Play date with one of Liam's daycare friends that went off to kindergarden this year while we held him back.  it was a lot of fun and they had a ton of fun together-- was a little worried because he hasn't seen them since August- but they had a lot of fun.  and I did a workout with his mom.

I wish that there were more hours in the day to work out with people.  it is really encouraging to work out with people, but I literally can only dedicate 30 minutes a day most days, and it's like I know 3 minutes before I'm going to work out.  I can't drive somewhere, and I can't plan other people to come over.

sometimes I think I am writing the same posts over and over again.  I got strept throat again- thanks Beckett.  Thankful, I feel a lot better and was able to run around and play with the boys.

Jeremy is getting a new stove-- it is gas, so we have to have a plummer come and in and make it ready. we are also getting a new back door.

Liam is playing basketball with the YMCA and is liking it.  he's going to start having games every Saturday, which I'm not liking.  but it is the middle of winter and it's not like we have plans.

I tweeted my right knee at work somehow.  and it has progressively gotten worse, enough to change my gait.  I am taking a rest day, so hopefully it will get better tomorrow.  feels weird to take a rest day when mentally I want to.  It's usually all mental when you take a rest day.

We got a new refrigerator.  I felt like our other one was a little small, but not enough to do anything about, and Jeremy wanted something stainless steel.  So, now we have a new refrigerator. It is much bigger than the last one.  Getting used to it. 

Happy New Year! starting it out right cleaning out the cabinets and eating a bunch of expired food (and throwing away a bunch more).  Here's hoping that jello from 2010 sets!