I guess I need to write a blog post since it has been a while.  I have had a lot on my mind.

-it is really hard to get the boys to bed, especially Wyatt. we do bath time usually at 7:30 and try to get them into bed at 8pm, but usually its more like 8:10 or 8:15.  Liam usually falls asleep right away and so does beckett, but wyatt will sometimes stay up in his bed until like 9:30.  And then we have to drag them out of bed on work days at like 6:05. I keep thinking that if we play really hard or by the end of the week Wyatt will get tired out, but it never happens.

-we have been going to the pool a lot- we got a season pool pass for all the city pools and I really wanted to get our money's worth. I think we've already done that just because we've gone so much. I really think the boys getting comfortable is more important than actual swim lessons at this point, so I really just want them to play. They are doing so well, especially Liam.  I have to be careful with Beckett though because he is too big for his own britches and just assumes I will always be right beside him to lift him up if he falls down.  Liam can swim under water (with googles on) and has new diving rings to play with

-I have a really hard time forgiving people.  Like, if someone has wronged me or I've lost respect for them, i'm like "what's the point in putting any more energy in?"  I have having three conflicts right now with people and wears on me.  A part of me just wants to say "leave me alone, and move on with your life and stop touching mine." and another part of me says "what's wrong with you? you are in conflict with three people. that's the sign of a psychopath."  So, I'll just keep going on and hope that time will clarify things. I need to think about what my expectations are. do I want them to be a good worker? a decent person? a considerate person? am I wanting too much?

-I really love working out. I wish I could instill my love for it in other people. I'm thankful that Jeremy likes to run.  I might not be able to get him to my videos, but he knows the value of being fit, and the boys are seeing that.  if I had a magic wand, I would sprinkle fairy dust on everyone and say "may you always find happiness in physical activity, even if it doesn't result in weight loss or a winner of a race or a 6 pack or a pull up. Just happiness in moving your body.

-I wonder if people living during the civil rights movement felt like this- this sense of bewilderment that is 2016 and we are still having these arguments.  that I won't be able to take the boys to the Pride Festival because I'm scared of what they might hear or see, not from the people participating but the people protesting. I can talk myself blue about love is love and boys can love boys and girls can love girls and a boy can feel like a girl and that's okay, and the importance of never making someone feel bad about who they are. and then you see horrible things on Facebook or the news and you wonder how in the world will it ever be okay.  and you wonder if  the bewilderment you feel is felt by the other side of the argument, but they truly think they are right even though they are so so wrong.  50 years from now, what will we say?

-I want to go on the 48 state road trip.  I think if you had six weeks of leave in the bank, you could do it, if you accumulated  leave during those weeks and you left on a weekend and came back on a weekend- one state a day-- maybe little less in some states so you can spend longer in CA.  when Beckett is like 8 or 9, I want to do it.

-beckett has a stuffed animal that is in lovey- "my doggie". I think it was one of Liam's first stuffed animals but no one else loved on it.  but now Beckett has it.

Liam is going to start kindergarden on Aug 10.