I just spent a ton of money on getting dress clothes for school. Ahem, I mean "professional attire." I had a $100 gift certificate from Christmas for Old Navy and then between Jeremy and me we spent another $120 there. After that I went over to Kohl's. The pickings there were slim. But after it was all said and done, I have six new dress shirts and three new pairs of slacks. That should last me for awhile/ At least I won't have to wear the same outfit everyday. I almost bolted when we got in line to check out at Old Navy. I never spend money like that on myself.

Tomorrow we are going to get shoes. we looked at some today but I was wearing jeans and couldn't really judge if they would look nice or not. Jeremy did get another pair of work shoes which he really needed.

CPR was a piece of cake. There were two classes and I was in the last class. WE ended up starting 30 minutes after the first class because everyone needed to finish checking in. American Heast assoication is the same as the american red cross but with more AED stuff. but that may because the class was geared to Health Care Providers. we got done with the class by 1 but I ended up having to wait for other people to get done with their tests because I was double doubled parked by two people. I went over to the kroger that was near there to get a salad but they didn't have a bar. lame.

So, I almost quit my job on Friday. I had my one year review and Barb about ripped me a new one. She said I asked too many questions, that I got distracted by people and that's why I made so many mistakes, that I was defensive when I did make mistakes and that I blamed other people when things were wrong. But when I asked for specific examples, she couldn't give them to me. She didn't give me one "but thank you for the job you are doing." she just said that I had more potenial and I needed to think more at work. All I can say, and sorry for the language, is fuck her.

I started crying of course. And i didn't stop crying until around 2 the next day when i had to go back into work saturday. And i had to leave the pharmacy and go to the bathroom a few times while I was there because I started crying again. I don't think Lynne and Kathy knew what to do and neither did the drivers that day. I didn't talk to them about it because it was really busy and if I started crying I wouldn't be able to stop. It was really bad. my eyes were swollen and I had these huge circles.

Here's my issues:
If I have a question and it will take someone 5 secs to answer because they already know what's going on with the situation, I'm going to ask them instead of wasting 10 mintues of my time looking up the question on the computer, pulling the packing lists, calling the facility, and checking the on order box. I know the pharmacist's time is valuable, but surely me asking if a warfarin is going out next week instead of today does not define me as lazy and stupid.

I don't make that many mistakes. I just don't. And the ones that I do make would be less if I didn't have to fill EVERY SINGLE DRUG that goes out that day. Why is it that we have 7 techs and yet I fill every single thing that goes out? Figure that one out for me. And why is it that I get blamed for not getting things out on time? First of all, it's not my job to make sure deliveries get out on time. It's Craig's job. It's actually in his job discription. And when he has a death in the family and four other techs (not that they would have helped me anyway) leave early, have the day off and/or aren't scheduled, I'm a little stressed. For example, LCP was suppose to leave at 4. I had everything ready to go and was getting the driver to take it out the door. Then Barb says oh wait, let me print out some labels. Some labels end up being 20 or so. Of course, I have to run a fill this and LCP gets out the door 15 minutes late. Barb brings this up in my evalutation and tells me that I should have not filled those orders because they were mediset. First, if she didn't want me to fill those, she shouldn't have told me to wait. 2nd, the last time I tried to leave the mediset stuff for the next day, she told me not to because the corner store needed the stuff in the morning and shouldn't have to wait around for it.

I'm not defensive when I make mistakes. Really, I'm not. I apologize and immediately go and fix it. When I asked barb what I did to give that impression she was like oh, I don't know. you just are.

And finally, if a pharmacist asks me who filled a certain thing, I'm going to tell them. IF they ask me to go fix something, I will. I'm not going to say I filled an order wrong if I didn't. I'm just not. Sorry, not my thing.

I've never felt so unappreicated in my entire life. I think I was in shock. It doesn't matter that I do 10 times that amount of work that they other techs do when I'm at work. It doesn't matter that I am the ONLY person trained at every single tech position. It doesn't matter that I sacrifice my days, nghts and weekends for that damn place and no one can even bother saying thank you for the work I've done in my one year evaluation. It actually made me sick to my stomach. I can't believe that Barb has these blinders on where she only sees the bad when she looks up from her computer screen and never sees the good.

So, why am I staying? Well, when I was leaving Saturday, the last thing that lynne and Kathy said to me was thank you. They said thank you for me being there. Tomorrow is my last day working at the pharmacy with barb. then I am only working saturday and on call a few nights a week.

I also got a 45 cent raise. the money isn't the issue though. On a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being the highest, barb gave me 3's and 2's. I didn't deserve that. I got one 5 in attendence and a 4 in safety. I'm calling in tomorrow. Might as well, I don't want me average to be pulled up too much. I don't know. I still might quit.